That sounds like a quite Malkavian thing to do.

Joke's on ALL OF YOU, you all get Pokemon Tabletop unliminted sheets
and the game is 4e
and you're all going to be Mind Flayers

4e sucks, but I'll definitely be abusing the heck out of my chance to be a mind flayer for once. Mewtwo is my starter and I taught mine to talk with an Irish accent but only make sarcastic comments.

4e does suck, but i found that a DM willing to make the needed changes to it can make it fun again.

Also that sounds like way too much fun tbh. His nickname is Darragh.

*Arises from under the gaming table wearing fuzzy wolf DMing hat and gargoyle necklace and wielding the blue dice of vindictiveness.*

D&D is the core atoms hiding beneath the shiny packaging of every video game that makes you tougher as you play. People only think the don't play it!

So hi! I'm me, and he (points to avatar) is Felix, my warlock, currently 5e. He happens to speak mind-flayer. I DM when I can manage to run the odd adventure for my family group, which is pretty rare. Otherwise, I play online through Roll20. I've got my feet planted into the glorious customization pit that is 3.5, but 5e does have some lovely features and options to swipe. I actually started with D&D video games like Baldur's Gate, and Menzoberranzan before playing with pen and paper. My brother taught my sister and I, and our dad taught him. He has regrets. We do not.

Life is too short for regrets anyway. Especially when you're shooting bolts at the one way portal leading from the evil gargoyle's lair to the hallway you stand in. DM even allowed us three hits before the "surprise" beast grumpily investigated who disturbed its slumber.

How are you shooting bolts through a one-way portal? Or is this a gargoyle in a bucket scenario?

At the portal. Not through it.
They glanced off that suspicious thing the warlock swore was a portal. Well, it was a portal after all, only wrong side facing us. He later described it as "Knock-knock-knocking on Hell's door".

IT LIVE

I'm supposed to set up for my Thursday game but Final Fantasy XIV ate me.

So...anyone got any tips for dealing with a player who constantly backseat Dms and forgets that...well as Gm i'm the one who makes calls.

Look them in the eyes while rolling your dice around in your hands and muttering "to yourself" what sort of traps you can lay.

If it's online... welp, IDK. I'm not good with human interaction without the implications that a good stare can hold.

TBH I might just message him and ask him to let me handle calls. I appreciate his help sometimes but he will constantly talk over me or talk before I can answer. Which...is kinda bad when you're NOT the DM.

What is it that he's usually saying? Is he correcting you with book rules, or saying things like "I'd do this.." etc?

If it's the former, I usually just up and say "my game, my rules!" If players are being disruptive I have a table on hand and pick up the dice and yell "roll for wandering monsters!" and if they don't sort themselves out, in comes whatever popped up on the table.

On youtube you can look up "Countermonkey" and find some good stories and tips about DMing.

TBH i don't like Spoony at all, so i'd rather not watch Countermonkey.

he neds to talk over me when new players ask about rules, he also forgets that i, ahead of time btw, said these house rules are in play.

But i already messaged him abt it so i think things will be good hopefully.

Ah. I haven't had that happen much, but that's probably because when it has happened, it's been with a regular group that plays with shared rules so I know the assisting player is telling them the right thing.

I spent some time today pulling apart dungeon tile sets that I bought maybe a decade ago and finally decided to actually use. I have minis and tiles and things but most of the time we just pick out some of my brother's old lead (yup. lead) minis and use a whipeboard for the maps.

On Spoony, I'm not as familiar with him as I could be, but I know things went sour. I like the countermonkeys though.

They to each their own. I ain't here to monitor other peoples likes/dislikes.

I did have a bit of a talk with him, so hopefully things will get a bit better. However due to some stuff we'll have to wait till next week to see.

I can suggest a few other D&D podcasts! There's Venture Maidens, and Roll Like a Girl, and The Broadswords, and d20 Dames... um, I may be a little fixated on all-girl realplay podcasts.

Also, when dealing with someone trying to basically usurp your role as the GM, I find the stadium horn whenever they speak out of turn works wonders.