The Daily Awful
 

Regrettably, my employer has decided not to move forward with the project I was assigned to and they've let go of the engineers from that team. This came as a big surprise to everyone, as my immediate manager had just finished discussing plans with us for the week.

So here I am, unemployed through no fault of my own, sifting through job search websites and trying to find someone that will accept a telecommuting employee because no place local can pay me enough and I can't relocate.

... at least I'll have more time to work on Trisphee?

Also look into unemployment, Coda.

i hate this so much for you.

I've already put in the application and I have to go into the office tomorrow morning to follow up on it.

Good. The sooner you get on that sorta thing, the better.

I'm feeling overwhelmed. I've put in 50-something job applications and I've only heard back from four of them, and one of those was a point-blank rejection.

I'm trying very hard not to despair, but it's hard to keep my spirits up when most of the jobs I'm finding aren't going to pay enough to cover my bills.

Job hunting can be rough. Fingers crossed that something good comes along and you get it!

Also, unfortunately, sometimes it can be necessary to work 2 or even 3 jobs these days. Mainly because it's cheaper for companies to hire many part-time than it is to hire full-time employees because they don't have to offer them insurance and benefits.

Sorry, I'm bad at being all optimistic and cheering up people.... but seriously, I relly hope everything works out and you are able to find a great job!

Well, fingers crossed, I got a couple nibbles today... maybe one of them will pan out.

Job hunting is indeed rough. uwu I hate it with a passion.

Any good news on your job hunt yet Coda?

I can't find the pieces for my Merida bow that I need to re-attach and it's driving me insane. x(

(This is like the Daily Awesome thread but opposite right? ;u; )

Eh... It's... well, better than it was before? I've had a couple callbacks from jobs that MIGHT work out, but the one that's farther along in the process is one that isn't able to offer the salary I'm asking for. It still offers enough that I'll take it if I can't get better, but it's going to be a long-term state of semi-suck instead of following my plan to get out of debt within three years.

Yes, exactly.

Ok. XD I wanted to make sure, since no one else has really posted a daily awful.

I am sick. Blah. This cost me a day of work and my second to last class. I'm going to have quite a scramble to get all my work done by the end of the year.

Daily Awful: still dealing with FLEAs (Frightening Lingering Effects of Abuse), so a lot of things I say come out super c*nt-y, since that's just how everyone always talked to me (since I didn't have friends till high school, I never realized how toxic the behavior was). So my dumb ass had no idea my bf was pissed at me for leaving my charger plug on the bed (I fucking shook everything out on the bed looking for it, so idk how it was still there, but apparently it speared his butthole), and he was jostling about a lot trying to get comfortable. I don't tend to fall asleep again after being woken up, regardless of what point of the night it is (so basically I've been up since 1 am, then), so I made an off-handed comment about how I hope I could fall asleep after this (again, didn't), but it ended up starting a huge fight.

I'm super fucked up (in that I have Borderline Personality Disorder), so I take shit super personal. I spent the night being talked down from the edge by an old friend. Woke up this morning to le bf yelling at me about the kettle (he slept on the couch last night, so I'd just grabbed the electric kettle real quick so I could make tea without pissing him off again sometime around 2 or 3 am), find out he only slept 2 hours because it took him hours to calm down and sleep, and that I'm a fucking asshole. Get talked down from the ledge by another old friend, who took me out for breakfast to get my mind off of shit so I could legitimately work so I don't lose my home (because, did I mention? we got summons to go to court tuesday [3 days ago] and we have till the 7th to pay off our debts or else get the fuck out; bf and I both have abusive family and would rather die/be homeless than go back)\

Got some daily awesome this morning from that second old friend, so I'll post in the awesome thread in a bit

UGH. My dad just got hold of me and is ginna want to drag me to easter dinner at my grandma's house probably. XP
But it's the first time I've had a day off in over a month and I desperately need a day to relax and sleep in and do laundry (seriously, the laundry situation is dire). So I pretty much either can lie and say I work or be stuck with a horrifically boring day mostly spent in a car, leaving me more drained than before. (Because introvert, need solo time to recharge.)

The miserable and reluctant realization that (I've probably been intentionally avoiding) that no matter what manner of wellness things and health boosts that I try to do, I'm never going to be a healthy person, and that my live situation right now is not conducive to getting a dog. :(

I think this is my first Easter not spent celebrating with family, since I'm either separated or estranged from everyone now lol. a little sad

I have a decent amount to get off my chest so here I go, hoping this is the right place to do so.
In less than two weeks I'm going to have to either go to a family meeting thing or seem like a complete a-hole by not going considering it's for remembering a member who died but like...I don't have any memories of him? I feel like I met him once and now I get to deal with my transphobic ass family.

I've also lately just been feeling not...stable? Not good to put it as lightly as possible. In the mental health department I've been needing to talk to my doctor lady about the possibility that I might have bpd, though it's a hard topic to bring up. But I've been getting worse and isolating myself from everyone, haven't been wanting to do literally anything. It's all become hard, everything has become so hard.

Final thing is that I have reason to believe I might be lithromantic, which is a form of aromantic for those who don't know. This in itself isn't a bad thing but someone I know recently told me they think they're aromantic to some extent. Which also isn't bad but my thoughts make me think that if I tell them they'll think I'm copying them because of someone thinking I copied them being trans before but like...I don't know. Logic believes they won't think that but I'm still terrified and have been avoiding talking to them about it. Which isn't hard in itself due to being in an isolating state again but it hurts at the same time.

Anyways, here's Wonderwall.
Sorry for the essay ;;

Wonderwall was on the radio today...

Sounds like depression there, dirky. People are here are generally pretty chill with things like that. I've been feeling a little unstably myself. I've found a community mental health center that I've started talking with, to see what they can do.

it's a good song, I have it on my spotify

also I am diagnosed with depression, my town just kind of sucks for things like therapy
I've been meaning to try looking into a different local counselling center but I've been too busy and drained to even properly care for myself let alone do stuff outside of work

I almost got hit today by an idiot in a van that thought it was a good idea to go 60-65 in a hilly highly populated residential area, oh did I mention the speed limit was 45 and the only reason they didn't hit me was because I have ocd about double checking even as I'm pulling out to the main road for like the 4th time.

It feels warm to me today and I wish it was colder. x_x On top of that random small things got on my nerves today. Just hope tomorrow's better.

It feels like my body is crumbling apart at the lower back and hips
I'm at the point where I'm afraid to take painkillers because it's every goddamn day, all the goddamn time and I can't even afford to go to the damn doctor

I would advise doing some low-impact exercises, especially stretches. If you can build up strength in that area it'll help with the pain. Massage therapy also has a pretty good track record for that kind of pain, if you (quite reasonably) don't want to rely on painkillers.

I second that! Just started massage therapy for my shoulders and neck that like to seize and get ridiculously tight. It helped out quite a bit for a few days. I know what it actually feels like to have those muscles relaxed now!

The crummy part is that the place books a lot and I cant get in again for another month and a bit. Poo.

Feels like I might be getting a migraine.
Hopefully I can get to some tylenol soon.

the ROI on my memes aren't looking too good. i need to sell sell sell! but no one's buyin smh

My living room ceiling has water damage from a leaky roof. Which means submitting a maintenance request. And stangers in my apartment to fix it. Most likely while I'm not there. Which means I'll be paranoid that they'll leave the door open and my cats will escape and run away.

I woke up in more pain than usual and forgot to being meds with me and I'm stuck out for 9 more hours. I have no money for the shit in the school store. I may die today.

getting out of bed is getting harder each day
the family meet up is coming up too fast for my liking
my bank went into overdraft which it hasn't done in 7 months and I hate it
I keep forgetting I owe the government around 150 before I can collect taxes and the date to get it in before they start charging interest is coming up fast
I've been tempted to move back with my dad but know for my own I guess safety I can't plus my uncle is living with him now there's no room
I've pretty much become an emotionless shell of myself that just goes through the motions of the day then sleeps

bit the inside of my cheek again UGH

I had a really big test today and I feel like I failed it.

thank you for showing up at the most opportune of times, panic attack

Well, just remember, there's only one letter different between "failed it" and "nailed it". :D

In all seriousness, I remember that feeling all too well. I was generally a pretty good student but I had a couple classes in college that really kicked my butt.

New computer might be a dud. Need to go deal with tech support and hopefully gets things dealt with without shipping things around or needing to set up a new one. Grr rawr rawr rawrg hiss spit!

my writing hand has been hurting a lot when I grip things lately and it's been making drawing even more a process than ever
which sucks since I love drawing as much as I do

I'm generally a good student too. I didn't really have problems in school when I was getting my bachelors degree but professional school is sooo much harder. This second semester I've also been struggling with motivation and a sense of not being smart enough so I haven't been studying as well.

My daily awful for today is that after celebrating being done with that test yesterday, I was super hungover.

I know about that part! I have a degree in Literature and right now I'm in a professional program for library tech. Quite the shift.

My daily awful is that I called Asus about my comp and it jumped right in to sending the thing out so I did that and planned to ship it out Monday because it was convenient, completely forgetting that I still need the stupid thing. I might be able to borrow a laptop from somewhere, if I can't get my last project done on my mother's desktop before I head back home.

I'm not thinking too well right now.

Today is a high pain, heavy brain-fog kind of day. All I can do is struggle through work, for now, since I desperately need the money. Swear to god, though, it felt like it should have been 3:00 already when it was only fuckin 12:00