Useless Superhero Powers
 

So me and my wife play this all the time when we can't sleep. I will think of a superpower but it has to have a useless context. Such as...

I have the ability to talk to cats, but only those that are deaf.

Lots of fun and a great way to see into the true you eh? So, I have started with my magic kitty deafness ability, what is yours?

I have the power of X-ray vision, but only through wood and plaster

I have the power to control people, but I am severely autistic.

I have the power of flight, but only three feet off the ground

I have the strength of an amazonian woman, but suffer from debilitating periods.

I know magic, but can only use spells during my periods

I can raise the living dead to do my bidding, did I mention it was the elderly?

I have the power of sex appeal, but only during full moons

I am irresistible to men, gay men.

I can control fire, but only campfires

I can speak with fish, yet I live miles from the sea.

I can talk to bears, but only polar bears that don't want to share their soda :p

I can put people to sleep, comatose people.

I can shoot lightning, but only from my mouth and butt

I can bend water, I live in the sahara desert.

I have telepathy, but only when I'm asleep

I can drink blood to become stronger, but it has to be sugar free.

I can build whatever I want, but they always become mechanical toy gorillas

I can bring life to models, but their legs always fall off.

I can transform to animals, but my strength stays the same

I can imitate voices at will, but they all sound Middle-Eastern.

I can call on a Kaiju for help, but only at noon

I can amass swarms of bats, but only in highly lit areas.

* can fire energy projectiles, but only from my nose

I can see the future, but can't do anything to stop it.

I have the ability to hover, but not over water.

i can see into the future, but only about 3 seconds into it

I can teleport, but only to this one city in Poland.

can come back from the dead, if i die somewhere in michigan

I can control electronics, but they have to constantly be connected to the internet.

i can move objects with my mind, but only if they weigh exactly 11.4 ounces

I can throw other people's mother-in-law with dead-eye accuracy, but only if I've had their meatloaf.

I can use laser vision, but only after spending copious amounts of time staring at the sun.

I have freeze breath, but it only works on ice.

I can go really fast, but only when curled up into a ball

I can magically transform, but only into a helpless, senile old person.

I can predict the future, but only as it's happening....

I can create a ghost copy of myself, but only during a new moon

I have the ability to lift things with my eyes from afar, but only if they're lighter than 10 grams and is at least 5ft away from me.

I can travel into the future, but only in one-second increments!