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Synod of Questionably-Competent Individuals (GW2 RP)
Special first assignment. Very important to the future of the guild. Lucky me....
Tsaerri traversed the halls of their guild base more slowly than she probably should have, given she had a meeting with the president in... a while ago now. She hadn't appreciated being woken up by some pissant messenger boy, and had decided to take her time picking out an outfit for the day. Skaeye could wait; she seemed like the indulgent type anyway. And really, Tsae held all the cards here -- not exactly a parade of heroes beating down their door begging to sign up. Besides. She paused to yawn, rubbing the sleep from her eyes under her blindfold, careful not to smear the makeup no one could see. Besides, how important can it possibly be? Oh, yeah, Synod of Gods, Logan's got real important work for us. Yep. More like Synod of Babysitters. Some noble probably got their pet Asura stuck in a tree. You keep fighting that crusade, though, Skaeye. Doing us all proud! Please. She passed through the main meeting hall of the guild, tacitly ignoring the lanky blond idiot she'd seen loitering about the last few days. Wearing a blindfold made it easy to ignore people she didn't like. Which was essentially everyone. Now which room was Skaeye's again..? Of course. The one that's always open. Sure, Skaeye, let me just curl up and tell you about all the horrible things I did as a kid, and you can forgive me and tell me how I'm a better person now, and how I'm a valuable member of this company, and how I can come to you with anything and-- Skaeye was sitting at her desk, out of her armor for once and wearing a silken robe the color of her namesake. She looked up as Tsae walked in. "You asked for me?" The older woman rose, smiling warmly, and gestured for her to take a seat across from her. "Why, yes. We've received our first major assignment and I'm trusting you to lead the team on it." Tsae leaned her arms against the back of the plush chair and remained standing. "How much?" "Well, that's the thing, Tsaerri. Our contract will be with the new backer of our guild, an envoy from the Sylvari with a private fortune looking to enlist our services." "As what? Is he planning to start a war? What use does some rich Syl have with a bunch of mercenaries?" Skaeye pondered for a moment, then replied, "To be honest, I'm not entirely sure. He said that he had quite the list of tasks he'd be needing us for, I would presume bodyguard work. I think he said he travels a lot." Tsae did her best to stifle a groan. "So this is... long-term, then? You've hired me to chaperon a plant around Gods only know where. You... do know the sort of thing I'm trained for, right?" "Yes, and that's why I'm trusting this to you, Tsaerri. I need someone I can rely on to make sure this client is satisfied. We need this." "Excuse me?" "I'm sorry?" "I don't know what you've heard about mesmers, but there is no way I'm 'satisfying' any--" "What? Oh, that's not what I meant at all. I don't believe Sylvari even--" "They don't." Tsae began to pace around the office, the animated feathers of her skirt swishing as she did, mulling the prospect over in her head. "So, we follow this Syl around, pretend to be friendly tour guides," Ugh. "and maybe, hopefully, if Lyssa has any mercy on my boredom, get to stab some people in the process. What? There's a lot of racists out there, this guy probably can't go two steps without some blood-dribbling Charr coming at him with a logging axe." Skaeye let out a measured sigh, and Tsaerri made every effort to avoid smirking. She did actually need this job. "You'll accept, then?" Tsae shrugged. She was growing bored of this conversation. "Yes. Whatever. As long I get paid. Are we leaving today?" "The others are getting ready to depart as we speak." "Great." She spun abruptly and began to walk out. "Can't... wait. Yeah." She waved to the knight over her shoulder without looking as she left the room. Please don't let blondie be my partner, please don't let blondie be my partner, please don't let.... |
Syrgei walked down the hall following his meeting with the new guild’s leader. She reminded him of Logan, somewhat, but a little less...tense. He had been up early, so the messenger’s knock on the door hadn’t woken him up as it appeared to have the dainty woman he passed in the hall. He might not have noticed her at all falling just below his usual line of sight as she did, but her near palpable personality made her hard to miss. She was probably tougher than she looked.
He thought back over the meeting. Escorting the rich around Tyria wasn’t exactly what he’d signed up for, but if he could be of some use along the way then he supposed he was up for it. Besides, getting paid in coins was certainly cleaner than collecting bounties on centaur hooves, though not half as exciting. Not that centaurs were particularly exciting anymore, either. He smiled to himself. Perhaps there is a reason to be here. Back in his room he shrugged on his coat and strapped his daggers to his hip without thinking, accustomed as he was to wearing them. He was supposed to meet the others in the guild hall foyer. He had plenty of time, and made sure the gears on his short bow were in working order before slipping that over his back. He’d yet to find a problem with Asura technology, complicated as it could be, but he checked anyway. As it was, he was the first one there. With no immediate company and no idea how long he would be waiting for the others, he reclined on the flat banister of the Guild Hall entry. |
...great.
Of course it would be him. Was there even anyone else in the guild? Or maybe everyone who didn't look like a bipedal mop had better things to do than join this absurd assignment. Tsae slid down to sit at the base of the railing across from him, drawing her knees up to her chest and making a point not to look in his direction. Snapping her fingers, she conjured Ilya in a flutter of wispy violet butterflies and began twirling the pistol idly around in her left hand. Thinking variously about shooting her unwanted companion in the face -- not like he could get any uglier -- and putting a quick round through her own brain to get out of having to deal with this entire situation, Tsae eventually decided to try communicating with him, starting with a pronounced sigh. "So, what do you... do, exactly? Besides try way too hard with that coat, I mean." Oops. Oh well. |
"Give me a hint."
"No—hint—is—available." "Okay, okay, alright!" Gambooge frowned at the oversized golem as he walked backwards from the kitchen into the halls. A hatch was opened wide on the machine's front, and stuffed inside was a squashed bag and a steaming plate of eggs and some odd looking meat. "Give me a minute, I'll get it." Gamby reached inside for a chunk of meat, no sooner withdrawing his hand that the golem attempted to close its chassis. "Hey! I told you, keep it open until I'm done!" the man scolded, flicking the glowing gem on the golem's front. "ERROR. Cannot—identify—'hey'. Please—repeat." Gamby gave a spectacular roll of his eyes, but when he opened his mouth to reply, smacked into the wall beside the doorway to the foyer. "Gods above—" "What—are—your—orders?" "Not you!" |
Syrgei lifts one corner of his sunglasses to get a better look at who the voice was coming from.
Trying too hard... “I like my coat, though the boots are a bit much, I'll give you that.” He sits upright, crossing his legs and letting his elbows rest on his knees. “I don't suppose I do much of anything, officially speaking.” He nods to her pistol hand. “Are you always this twitchy?” |
Oh, no, my finger slipped and I shot him in his stupid face. There's blood everywhere! Somebody help! I guess that's what I get for being so... 'twichy'. It really was an accident, I swear, Skaeye. He probably wasn't going to be that useful anyway. We have someone who can clean that up don't we?
"So... what you're saying is, you're useless. I can respect that." She keeps flipping her gun, magicking it from one hand to the other now. |
He raises one eyebrow, This will be interesting.
His response is cut off as his attention is drawn to the loud curse sounding from the hall, just to the side of the doorway. "Sounds like our next partner is here." |
Trying to pretend that that shouting doesn't portend someone even worse than this layabout, Tsaerri continues.
"But, no, really, do you just buy whatever tacticool plastic tourist-trash they have on sale at Rabbitland, or what? Why are your knives serrated? Why does your coat have lights on it? Who on earth told you those sunglasses were a good look for you?" |
"Please—watch—where—you—are—walking—to —avoid—injury."
"Yeah, thanks," he muttered, peeling himself off of the wall. He pat a hand on the golem's opened cover, making the machine shut it with a thunk. "Try warning a guy next time, would you?" "Please—take—two—steps—to—your—left— to—avoid—injury." "Not...! No." He sighed, rubbing his thumb against the bridge of his nose. "No. Nevermind. You do what you want. Just stay close, alright?" "ERROR. Conflicting—instructions. Please—repeat." Gambooge looked at the golem, then shook his head, heading through the doorway properly this time. "Dwayna help me, I am never getting a golem again." |
I'm getting this from someone wearing floating feathers as a fashion accessory.
"I've never been to Rabbitland, you'll have to tell me what they stock there." |
With a perfectly condescending smile, Tsaerri informs him, "I can read your mind, you know."
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"Something tells me I'm better off not knowing what's in your head."
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There's about to be a sparkly bullet in it, if this takes much longer.
Bored, Tsae hops to her feet, mentally smoothing her feathers as she does, and begins to pace. "I thought Skaeye said we were getting ready to leave. What are we waiting for? Is anyone else even coming?" She continues pacing. "I don't know why I'm asking you, apparently I just walked in on your nap. Are you even part of this guild or did you just wander in here drunk last night?" |
"Hostility—detected."
Gamby waved a hand at the golem without looking back, taking in the pacing woman and less than impressed thief waiting by the entryway. "They're fine," he told it, then called out to the pair as he crossed the room, "We didn't miss anything, did we?" |
A harmonious chorus of harps issued from all directions, choirs of voices reaching to the heavens in the embrace of the instruments. As they reached the pivotal moment of chorus, the door to the guild of the Synod of the Gods was forcibly swept open. A dazzling light filled the doorway, and as it faded, a fabulously dressed Sylvari in luxurious fabrics shaded pink appeared. He was magnificent. He was refined.
He was...Eduardo. "My people! Your patron has ahrrived." He spoke with the air of someone who could afford his own air. Certainly as described previously in other places, he could afford an extra 'h' with words containing 'w', and seemed to be doing so well for himself that he could afford extra h's for other words as well. As the light faded away completely behind him, a massive assortment of musicians and choirs were packing up instruments and the like. There was the chaos of a job done and now being packed up, and they dispersed as he stood in the doorway, basking in the glory of all those who might view him. He raised his nose to the air, eyes closed as he posed. At this point one might wonder if he had hired a small local boy with a stick to hold his nose up in the air for him. However, none were observed. Perhaps he had sprung for the invisible model. "Behold, for before you stands the esteemed...Eduardo Thicktree." |
Syrgei looks at the sudden parade in the doorway, the rainbow effects somewhat lost behind his sunglasses, but even as the orchestra -yes, it was an orchestra- members packed themselves away, the Sylvari remained.
Okay, I know I didn't have that much. |
The sound of Tsaerri's gun clattering to the floor would have been startling, unprecedented even, if it weren't for... Eduardo.
"You... cannot be serious." Muttering, she knelt to retrieve the weapon. Why did I do that? before dismissing it. Clearing her throat, she attempted to do her job, all while the thought of splattering her brains all over the guild hall was becoming more attractive by the minute. "Ahem, hello, as the officially designated leader of our party, I'd like to introduce you to, uh... we call him Blondie, our new Human-Sylvari relations liason!" She attempts to shove Syrgei in Eduardo's direction. "Please address any concerns, or really, anything at all to him. I'll just be... over here... hiding... let me know when we're leaving." |
Syrgei looks down at the mesmer, for it was unlikely she was anything else, but takes the hint, taking a step towards Eduardo.
"It's Syrgei, actually. That was quite the entrance. I suppose the rest of us should introduce ourselves." He looks over to the newcomer and Golem, but more pointedly at the woman who ditched him with their lavishly dressed patron. |
"Apparently not," Gambooge muttered, his brows raised after the sudden show the group had been granted.
"Unregistered—enemy—detected," the golem stated, the hum of its mechanisms growing louder as it shifted its stance. "Confirm—attack—mode." "What? No!" He turned to the golem, covering its gem with his hands as if covering its eyes. "No, no, no enemies! Stand down! Abort!" The golem held still for a moment before it followed up with, "Are—you—certain?" "Yes!" |
"Oh, uh, I'm Tsae, by the way." I guess we're doing names now... no need to be passive-aggressive about it, "Syrgei". What kind of name even is that?
Noticing the commotion behind her with the newcomer and the golem -- seriously, who has a golem? -- she couldn't help laughing in spite of herself. "Don't let him fool you! He's complicit in the conspiracy! There are enemies everywhere!" She didn't have a clue how Asuran tech worked, but after weighing the odds, Tsae considered the possibility of the golem pasting them all against the walls an acceptable risk. |
"Not! Helping!"
"Unknown—mesmer—detected." "What-?" He pulled his hands away quickly when the golem took a step toward the woman. "Retrieving—Audio—Output: Who put that outfit together for you, your clones? HA—HA—HA." |
That doesn't even... Nevermind. Being professional.
"So, who are you? And more importantly, is that offensive thing coming with us?" |
Eduardo lifted an eyebrow, taking the squabbling, teeming common masses in. Perhaps he had made a mistake.
"Is this, erm...all of you? I admit the large talking object is impressive, but I was led to believe that there would be, howh do I put this...more of you." |
Heaving a sigh, Gamby stepped around the golem, shoving it away from the others. Not that the push did much, considering how much the thing weighed. "I'm Gambooge, resident elementalist? I take it you're the one always hiding in your room. This is—"
"Identifying—self. I84-G. Property—of—" "Bag. Its name is Bag. It holds things." |
"How many did you think you would need?" Syrgei says to Eduardo as he takes his own look at the newcomer and "Bag," then looks back at the Sylvari again. "Just what did you have in mind for us?"
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Pretty sad when Eduardo Thicktree is the best name I've learned today....
"Can you really blame me? Just look at this place. We have homeless drunks just crashing wherever they feel like. I don't even want to know what your golem's problem is, and a guild leader who can't be bothered to do anything for herself." She eyed this... Gambooge up and down -- Is he just trying to see if I'm dumb enough to believe that's actually his name? Wait.. no, wow, it really is. Lyssa help me. She could barely believe she was about to compliment him. "At least you... seem to have some concept of what you're doing here?" Not giving me a whole lot to work with here, pal. She steps closer, lowering her voice. No way she's reaching high enough to whisper. "And let's just be clear that I am NOT saying anything about our client. But, oh Goddess. Our client." |
Homeless drunk...
Syrgei tries not to snicker while standing next to their client. |
Gambooge blinked as the woman stepped close. She was very small, but certainly looked capable. And here he was, apparently getting a better greeting than the thief had, if her earlier pacing was anything to go by. The thought made him grin, his own voice lowered when he answered, "Tell me about it. I'd be as out of sorts as you if I weren't dealing with that hunk of junk all day."
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Eduardo cleared this throat loudly.
"Ladies, Gentlemen, please! Hwhat I hwant to know, is...heh heh. Oh my." He giggled a bit, stepping closer to the golem and immediately giving it a gentle poke. "It has a name? Fascinating. Simply marvelous. I wish to purchase one. I mean, my apologies, I'm told that's rhude." He composed himself again, addressing his ragtag audience. "I am looking to employ your services for a tour of various lands. I have already paid your leader a retainer fee of six thousand gold pieces. Should our business conclude favourably, I whould be interested in negotiating your services as a permanent ahrrangement. However, if the fee proves insufficient or you are unsure of your capability to provide me with a sufficient escort, now is your time to address the issue, so we may terminate the contract before undue stress occurs. Or, before more undue stress occurs, excluding the stress I have whitnessed before me." |
Tsaerri blinked. And blinked again, and again, mouthing over the amount. Six THOUSAND gold? As a retainer?!
Okay, keep your composure. Play along. Stepping forward, she stood before the Sylvari, crossing her arms and looking up at him. "You still haven't told us where we're taking you. But unless it's into the heart of Orr or something, we'll suffice." Well, she would. Syrgei would probably end up getting that ridiculous coat caught on something and taking a fatal plummet down a flight of stairs. But that, too, was a risk she was prepared to take. For the good of the guild, and all. I wonder if he has a life insurance policy with us... |
Eduardo stretched his arms out, palms opened as he did a slow twirl.
"Everywhere! I hwish to see it all my dear! The forests of Queensdale, the Shiverpeak Mountains, the hruins of Ascalon, The Tarnished Coast! Oh, to see the Strait of Malachor, The ruins of Orr now that you mention it, and so much more! I hwish to see it all!" He breathed in deeply, excitement coursing through his veins. "I have money, you know. I have read. But what I did not have was experience! Oh, I could read about places in firsthand accounts or simply buy the people who had been there, but to see with my own eyes is the true experience! So I wish to see them, all of them. All of the places known to Tyria and beyond! I am told it is dangerous, but I have yet to see a problem that cannot be resolved by the pocketbook, and you shall be my solution to my own problem. Whill your guild help me to see this world hwithin hwhich hwe live?" |
It seemed impossible that any of this could be real. It was like a caricature, not an actual living, completely serious person.
"System—overload. Self-destruct—in—ten—" "You know what!" He turned to the golem, flinging an arm out to point to the door. "Go on! Do it! He'll just buy another one of you! I don't care!" The machine buzzed, not keeping up its countdown after his outburst. He arched a single eyebrow at it, then dropped his arm. "Yeah, I thought as much." "ERROR. No—humor—detected." |
Tsaerri's frame not providing much of a cover, Syrgei raised his hand to his face on the pretense of wiping something away from his eye to hide his snickering as the situation got more and more absurd.
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WHAT ARE THEY DOING?! SIX THOUSAND GOLD! I WILL MURDER YOU BOTH SO HELP ME UGHHHHHH
Taking hold of Eduardo's sleeve and putting on her most endearing smile, Tsae attempts to direct his attention away from her guild-mates. "Please excuse them, the machine has been nothing but trouble since it got here." Tugging him along, she made their way back out the entrance to the guild hall. "So, is there anywhere is particular you'd like to visit first? I'm sure I could suggest something, if not." Ow. Ow. Shut up, keep smiling. |
Eduardo nodded in affirmation, allowing himself to be guided by her.
"Perhaps hwe should start with something close by. I have heard of centaurs outside of the city that terrorize the local farmers. I hwish to observe them and see how the more primitive denizens get on with life. Perhaps through understanding the simpler savage folk of the realm, we may come to know more and find ways to end their hostilities." He frowned at the what appeared to be an attention seeking golem, put off by its seemingly wanton disregard to instructions. He lowered his voice, whispering to Tsae. "Are golems allowed to act on their own accord? If this one is malfunctioning, I would be more than hwilling to replace it with a newer model. I have the money. There is no sense in keeping something that is liable to level the place. Not good for business, I can assure you." |
Giggling like an idiot, she assures him, "I'm sure it's all talk. Personal golems like that don't have self-destructs built in." Because I know so much about golems. Mmhmm. "But if it's Queensdale you'd like to see, we can take you right away. It's just outside the city gates, after all. Er, the physical ones, that is."
All this ceremony, and it comes down to killing centaurs in the end.... |
As the group begins their first excursion, Syrgei steps up beside Tsaerri.
"How do we plan on taking this man to see any centaurs? I've yet to meet one that didn't want to enslave or kill anything on two legs." |
Hmm... wha? Oh, it's him.
Tsaerri shrugs. "Presumably, he's going to watch us murder them. Don't insult our client, Syrgei. Only an idiot would think this is some friendly nature hike." |
"Aha! Splended!"
Eduardo clapped his hands together, looking positively excited. "I cannot hwait for our little nature expedition to commence. Oh, how lovely it will be to actually interview a real centaur and attempt to understand their thought processes and hway of life!" * * * One beautiful scene transition to the outside areas of Divinity's Reach, with the stretches of Queensdale before them * * * Eduardo stopped to take in the beautiful rolling expanse before him, grinning as he breathed in deeply the more rustic air of the open farmlands, where he was assured that honest folk did honest work and plied the fields to bring in crops. He was aware of the fact that food came from somewhere else, but to perhaps be able to see the actual location was a marvelous sideshow attraction to him. With excitement he beamed at the motley crew assembled before him, grinning at each one. "Right! Let us be on our way! Let us begin!" |
It was always nice, being out in the open air again instead of being stuck in the city. Not that anyone was any friendlier one way or the other. Even among his guildmates, the only one that was all that affected was the Sylvari. At least, Gamby assumed he was, with all the grinning and dramatic pausing to see the admittedly lovely day.
"ERROR. We—are—already—on—our—way." Gambooge elbowed the large arm of the golem. "Keep your mouth shut, you." "ERROR. I—do—not—have—a—mouth." "Yeah," he replied, absently rubbing his elbow, "keep that up. I'll let you get replaced." |
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