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Shouldn't the next part really just be, "...and so the story begins" or something and lead into the rp?
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I guess, but I have to make it more poetic than that. XD Maybe something like...
Thus beings our story of the Chaos Knights. |
Hmmm I like it, the wording is a little awkward though, at least when I read it. Spoken it sounds okay
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It's probably because I used proper grammar and everything. It really bothers me when poetic stuff doesn't use proper grammar.
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I like it and give you the thumbs up of love and approval.
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It wasn't the grammar, cause it is technically correct, it was the use of our I think. But I dun know who is actually telling the into, so I dun know if it is supposed to be from a knights pov
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I dunno. It just seemed like how it should be done to me, like how some people begin reading like, "Our story begins in a far off land many, many years ago" and all that jazz.
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Well I honestly didn't read the first part, I think I missed it somewhere. So if it starts out in a knights pov, then it's okie dokie, if not then I think it should be "the story," but that's just a personal preference.
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The POV is kind of ambiguous, I think. It could by from a Knight's POV, but then again it could be from someone else's POV just as easily.
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Well the ambiguity ends once "our" is used XD, but if that's what you were going for *thumbs up*
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XD it can be from squiggles pov the official bard rubber duck of the knights.
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I changed it so that it's ambiguous the whole way through. I like the flow better.
XD Dear sweet Anka, he's going to love that title. |
There's a rubber duck?
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Yup, he's Kami's mortal enemy. I think he's in the bath right now. You wanna meet him?
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I think I do...Do I?
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Hey Dragon! *licks* Have you met Squiggles yet?
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*rises up out of a puddle* Fear not, fair maidens! Squiggles has returned!
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Ahhhh *swats the things the appears out of the puddle* Wha is it?!
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Squiggles!!!! -gives him a cookie and his very own Lute-
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http://i269.photobucket.com/albums/j...links/orbs.png
Ten more jewels to go and I can make good on the offer I posted. I plan to get them before going to bed. ^_^ |
*squeaks at being struck* Well, it would seem this maiden has some fight in her! I like that in a woman.
Yes, my beauty, they are indeed quite the adorable bunch... mostly. *skips the cookie but grabs the lute and proceeds to strum* A duck could get used to this. You can keep the cookie for that dreadful little chinchilla. I don't eat things like that; too full of happy feelings and good will. |
http://i3.squidoocdn.com/resize/squi...._SL500_AA300_
Another adorable one to add to your collection. ^_^ |
Happy feelings and good will?...Those nutricious?
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http://i269.photobucket.com/albums/j...links/orbs.png
It is going to be hard to sleep tonight with it being so hot here. |
-gives cookie to dragon and Mirror-
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Squiggles does not digest well the foods of happy deliciousness for small children. No, Squiggles will have his cabbage rolls. Yes, cabbage rolls and grapefruit juice.
Sleep well, lovely maiden! Squiggles will play a tune on his lute to bring you sweet dreams during your slumber! |
http://i269.photobucket.com/albums/j...links/orbs.png
Thanks very much for the cookie. ^_^ I am not planning on going to bed yet as I am still trying to gain a few more victories. ^_^ |
Yay! Cookie! Thank you *takes cookie and it catches on fire* ...whoops
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Oi -gives mirror a cookie full of liquid nitrate-
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*stares at the cookie*...It looks cold
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http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r...rayed/Lazy.gifhttp://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r...ngonmoon-1.gifhttp://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r...rayed/Lazy.gif -burns the cookie- THERE, it's hot again =D |
*is never going to be able to enjoy a normal cookie*
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OuO KEIKKO!!!! -lavishes her with love-
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*twirls Keiko, dips her, and smooches her* Well, hello there my delectable beauty.
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http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r...rayed/Lazy.gifhttp://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r...ngonmoon-1.gifhttp://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r...rayed/Lazy.gif WHO IS THIS SQUIGGLES?!? -ish twirled around- LUDOVICOOO~ my latin lover! <333 -loves on- |
Me? Why, Squiggles is the arch nemesis of Kami and newly-appointed bard to the Knights of Chaos. *bows*
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http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r...rayed/Lazy.gifhttp://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r...ngonmoon-1.gifhttp://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r...rayed/Lazy.gif And why was I huggled by a new member?? O_O or maybe you're a mule?!? -stares- |
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