I asked a friend of mine online today,
We were talking about Middle Eastern foods and customs, so I asked, "Are you Middle Eastern?"
And he got.... offended??? He was like, "I think you are stereotyping me"..?

I mean, he has every right to feel how he does...
But it wasn't like this was random? We were talking about Middle Eastern food and customs and he seemed to know a lot about both. Hence, why I asked. I wanted to learn about him through his culture.
And he said, "I don't care about a person's background. I only care about the person".

It's valid for him to feel how he does,
But.. I'm a black woman, myself. I understand how it sucks to be stereotyped,
But I am not at all offended when someone wants to learn about met through my culture. You know?
I almost took offense to him taking offense to being upset about being asked if he was Middle Eastern because the reaction I got from him made it seem like it was a *bad* thing...

Not a bad thing to ask, but rather, assuming that I asked because of ill intentions, or if he WAS Middle Eastern, that that was a bad thing in and of itself, you know?

I'm so used and desensitized to people asking me, "What are you?" "Are you mixed?" "What are you mixed with?" And I always take pride in sharing my culture with other people now. I guess my perspective on people asking me about my heritage is more in a way of, "I want to get to know you better, please share your childhood and background with me" rather than a "I don't care about you, only your heritage" (Which, I HAVE also experienced and it does suck.)

Sorry for my little rant.
I just feel like it shouldn't have to be that a person is either themselves or their culture. Why can we not be both in this world? Having a heritage and a culture you are proud of doesn't make you less of a person than someone who has other things that they feel defines them.
Everyone has a right to their own opinion, but I think the "you're stereotyping me"...? I don't think that's a fair reason to make someone feel bad about asking about another person's culture. A simple, "No. I'm not middle eastern" would have been just fine.

Or even, "I appreciate you trying to get to know me, but I don't really talk about my background" or... anything like that? You know? We ALL have a culture, we all have a background and heritage... and I guess it gets to me because I spent almost all of my early teens trying to run from my heritage. I'm a mixed girl with brown skin, and it's painfully obvious to everyone that I am not just another white girl or black girl, for that matter... I will NEVER belong in those groups, I will always be an outlier. I used to get so angry when white people would call me their "black friend", and I used to get equally as upset when black people made it clear I was "white girl" to them. Having Latinx background also threw a wrench in the machine, when I got a little older, I realized that Spanish wasn't a language most people spoke at home ,so I did everything I could to avoid being associated with it, my parents and family tried hard to teach me , and NGL, I used to be nearly fluent, or at least, fluent enough that I could do basic things while speaking Spanish... but the shame made me run from it, when we got the choice to learn French vs. Spanish in school, I was like "French is classy." so I chose that...

I think I'm also maybe jealous, because from his pictures, he could easily pass as a white man (If he isn't white) so for him, he can easily say "Yeah, I don't have any culture or background" and he would be accepted everywhere and anywhere, pretty much. I don't have that luxury of being able to slide into a room and have no one question my background, or have no one notice my skin color. I don't have that luxury of not being immediately judged based on how I look... You wouldn't believe the number of times I've met someone (all races) and immediately they say, "You don't look like you would sound like that!" I don't have that luxury of being able to avoid judgement until I speak. I am immediately judged as soon as someone sees me.

... This got much longer than I expected! O_O
Sorry!

I also realized that I forgot to mention the whole reason why I felt weird about our conversation...

In the past, he has asked me loads of questions and sent me many links regarding my background, such as asking me how I feel about BLM or my opinion on things like rap, hip hop, etc...

I talked with a friend of mine also who is a WOC,
And we both agreed that it seemed like this person I was talking to didn't see me as an equal. For him, he feels he doesn't have a culture and that anyone who dares ask his background is "stereotyping him"... whereas, he asks me often about my own background and my own opinion on race relations..???

I do have to consider the source, though..
This person, since I have known them, have shown themselves to be not very understanding in the past. For instance, he would get extremely and unhealthily angry if he texted someone and they did not text back within the hour. I kid you not, he would block them and then tell me that that person was "dead" to him.

It just felt weird to me that somehow it was okay for him to not be "stereotyped"... and yet, he asks me all the time about common "black" issues?
And NGL, there were times where I felt like he was only really talking to me to "observe" me, and not actually to talk like we're friends. I don't think he sees me as an equal, especially if he feels like culture and ethnicity doesn't affect him yet somehow feels alright to basically talk to me about my own culture and background?

I closed our DMs for now...

Did you by any chance cancel the trade I sent a while ago? If so that's ok. XD

ya, it felt awkward, esp since i still haven't done anything.

people keep calling the ND-coded character i have a baby and i'm just sitting here like.

worth noting is that he's transmasculine as well, and this sort of thing has been used as a weapon against trans women.

i am very tired.

also: this character is a very serious character, i say, writing a riff on eggman's announcement with him.

I had a weird dream about a Christmas party in which some unrecognizable friends of mine all get stoned and frickin' damaged my car's windshield
just so I couldn't take them home!
;_; I woke up worried about my car. My poor poor car. <x'D

i'm not old enough for my body to give out like it does ;x;

Ah, ok. XD That's fine!

I keep forgetting how covid is affecting shipping of stuff, especially from smaller/independent sellers and buying things and then getting frustrated when they take forever to actually ship.
XP

Ex: Ordered a couple nail polish mystery bags from a seller on Etsy who has a lot of polishes that I like (I couldn't decide which ones to get first so mystery bags are a good way to go lol), and in the shipping info, it says "2-3 day processing" and "1-2 day shipping" so you can generally expect to get your order about a week maybe a week and a half after ordering.
It took mine a full week for the person to, as the tracking information tells me, print the shipping label. And since Saturday my tracking number still just says "shipment information sent to...." so I don't even know if it's actually been shipped yet and is just moving slowly (or maybe being quarantined prior to shipping? Is that a thing post offices are doing now? Idk, I don't keep up with packages are being dealt with) because of covid or not.

But it's actually not that big of a deal that it's delayed, I just keep getting frustrated because I forget about all the shipping delays and then order more stuff online (but legit just things that I can't get in store here because no one carries them....like holo nail polish and nail art supplies).

Also... I'm facepalming at my coworker (and kinda myself tbh) today.
Because the governor here has mandated that masks are required at all times in indoor, plublic and work spaces and outdoors in gatherings of 50+ or for activities where social distancing isn't possible.
That bolded part of the outdoors statement? Yeah...my coworker didn't tell me that part, she just told me the "required outdoor" part so I was stupidly panicking about potentially dying on my 2 mile walk to work while wearing a mask in the summer heat. XD
But I read the full statement on break and yeah...I'll still be fine.
But I'm an idiot for immediately starting to panic before looking into it myself.

random baby rant
(don't read if ya like babies)

Same. My babies have fur and scales.
XD

tired.

i can't trust people in my own community for fear that they're an nb-skeptic / panphobe or acephobe or arophobe.

i am very tired of having to be borderline hypervigilant just because some pricks think that ace / pan people are jokes.

Me: *takes 4 days off of vacation time*
My boss: Oh, where are you going?

Um well....see there's this magical land I've heard tell of called....bed? I'm thinking I'll spend a few days there. Maybe all the days. We'll see.

I mean, my actual plans pretty much just are to sleep, maybe work on some crafts and, if my bike has been fully repainted and reassembled by that point, maybe go on a bike ride or two.
I just need some time off and some self-care.

Was gonna do a full week off, but we (might, corona situation permitting) have our art auction preview party the Friday of the week I'm taking part of my days off in and idk if they'll need me to help with it and we're pretty short-staffed so I didn't want to screw them over like that.

But also, why do people think that I would be going anywhere during this whole coronavirus situation and taking into account that I don't own a car?!? Lol

Guys, I almost died today.

Okay, that's a tad dramatic, but I did have a person turn the corner while I was attempting to cross the streer. And they just kept moving forward so I had to turn back and just let all the traffic go even though I had the walk sign and they were all turning so I, the pedestrian, had the right of way.
And the car did get pretty close to me. Closer than the required "social distancing" distance.

gah that sounds scary, Kaderin!

:D Heyy, that happened to me once too on my old campus.
Well, nothing really to be happy about, actually, :/ as I coulda been hit easily crossing the road...O-O The driver barely even stopped in time, and just kept driving after I halted on the walkway.
but damn,
8/ did my heart skip a beat when it got real close! I feel ya Kaderin...

Goals...

it feels vaguely like nobody wants to even bother seeing my art. nobody seems to reblog it, so what the fuck am i supposed to do?

i just want love and attention, dammit.

Talking about near-traffic incidents reminds me of when I was... 15 or 16, I think.

I got hit by a daycare bus!

I was following all of the rules. I was standing at the intersection, ready to walk my bike across the street instead of riding it, once the crossing light said it was safe to go. The traffic lights changed, the cars came to a stop, the crossing light turned on, I looked both ways just to be sure, and I started out across the street.

The daycare bus behind me decided that would be a good time to turn right.

Knocked me over. Knocked my bike over on top of me. Dug the grip texture of the pedal into my leg, leaving me with a big gash. The driver didn't even get out to see if I was okay. They just saw that I picked myself up, picked my bike up, and got out of the street, and then they took off.

I was almost to my high school by that point, so I just walked my bike the rest of the way there. (Certainly couldn't ride it.) I pulled my sock up to try to keep the bleeding under control until I could get to the office. I didn't realize how bad the damage actually was until I got there and took a moment to look myself over.

I'll be honest, I don't actually remember what happened next. Pretty sure the nurse helped clean me up and bandage my wounds and I went to class. I heard later that the driver got fired.

i'm surprised the goddamn driver wasn't sued, frankly.

i've had near misses before, haven't been in a proper accident yet, have witnessed one accident where a window got shattered.

one of my older brothers has been in an accident before and broke his leg. he's fine now.

eUe;
I hope I don't seem like a total outlier from my co-workers...because I feel like a total outlier, and like, not even an adult even, not even. I'm a 26 year old idiot. Not adult at all. I don't get everything yet. *BIG sigh*
<x{ Imma have to fake it 'til I make my way through so much aren't I?
<:[ Ohhh geeez, I don't even know to tell anyone I've never done any of this before, it's my first job. <x{ Somebody sometime is goin' to be hard on me for something I did or didn't do, and I'll be so exhausted from it so so quickly, that I'll want to just shrink away and quit.
;_; oh man...
I need to frickin' calm down and just prepare for the day. It's only 4 1/2 hours...only 4 1/2...that's a summer college class. Just one.

you can do this, merskelly! :)

I didit! <x[
Even though I still can't speak to people for the life of me apparently. Ouff.
My legs need a rest. <x'}

see, you can do it! :)

what did they have you doing?

Putting go back items back where they were at,
aaand working the register. :o Ringing up customers until I somewhat got the hang of it.

yeah, that sounds about right. I'm on register when we're open. Sunday night is the night I close, and that's like the only time I do returns/go backs and recovery XD

it doesn't help that we recently rearranged almost the entire store, so most things are in new places for me XD

Ooh, yep! <x] That's totally what our store seems to like doing apparently. Stuff moves around and is re-arranged all the time according to my co-workers!

Actual shout tho: After I shower, Imma shut myself in a room and WRITE! >U<

well the seasonal stuff gets moved all the time. but since I've been there, several sections that have always been in the same places have switched it up. most recently, our t-shirts, which were on the right side of the store about half way back... are now almost all the way in the opposite back corner! o_O

Am full of petty minor annoyance today because I ordered a large latte and the lady making it didn't ask "hot or iced" and started making it iced (it's hot out so she probably just assumed I wanted something cold and it's not a place I got to regularly so she doesn't know that it can be over 100 degrees out and I'll still take my latte hot), which I didn't notice until she was half done making it. But it's still coffee, and I didn't want to waste it so I just took it even though it doesn't taste as good to me as it would hot. *pouts*

Recently discovered that Disney has altered a few words/lines in the Pocahontas song, Savages when I picked it up on dvd.
While I understand their reasoning for doing so (the lyrics changed were fairly minor changes like changing "kill" to "get" stuff like that to make it seem less bad/negative and minor changes to the terms used to describe the natives, even though it's literally a scene where the Native Americans and white settlers are arming up to go kill each other), I found it incredibly jarring to be singing along to a song and suddenly the lyrics I grew up singing were different.
It was kind of like the first time I watched Beauty and the Beast on dvd and discovered that they'd added that awful previously cut song Human Again into it. And they didn't even offer a version without the song. Blech!

so 1- come on over my place and watch the original BatB on VHS! XD and 2- i didn't know that Human Again was actually in the movie, i thought it was just in the stage version?

1)I actually already have it on vhs (and like 20 or so others as well). But like 6 or 7 years ago, before I had nabbed a vcr from my dad, I rented it through the Netflix dvd service, shortly before streaming became the big thing. 2)and yeah...it was pretty annoying to find the flow I was so used to in the movie suddenly disrupted by an unfamiliar (and just kind of annoying and not great imo) song.

:o Attention one and all.
:( Adulthood is a scam.
It's a universal pain, it's dumb, and frankly I don't want any part of it and never wanted any part of it in the first place.
Kindly take it back, it's sort of ruining my happiness and health. ;u;

Kadrin - 1. come on over anyway? it's more fun watching thingswith friends. 2. yeah, it wasn't that bad, but it might have been better,

Merskelly - you're right, i'm not a fan of this adulting thing either. i hate having to work 7 days in a row (but to be fair i have off this Friday so i can get my car inspected (more adulty things! eep!)... but then i have the last weekend of the month off for my birthday weekend! so there's that.

@trystan
CB> Ohhhhh DEAR...I don't think I want that sort of life. Imma disappear into the rural landscape of New Zealand thank you. <x'} And live the rest of my life as a happy hobbit, selling fish and fruit!

Actual shout: So I tried a month long group therapy for trauma survivors. :/ It felt kinda pointless most of the time, and wasn't really benefitting me in the slightest. I'm glad I participated and I'm glad I got to try it at least, buuuut, >.> it's probably not for me...I dunno. I guess I'll stick with one on one therapy...if my doctor ever calls back. ;-;

can i join you? :D

xD I don't see why not!

*waves a hand in the air*
Oh ooh! Me and Derpy too?

yaay! *packs up everything and gets ready to drop off the grid*