Super excited that the weekend is getting closer! Soon I will buy a new chair for my living room (maybe. Still debating getting it now or waiting a bit to see if it goes clearance...) and also will buy Derpy his first car!

<x'D I'm so desperate for some friendly multiplayer video game time, I'm willing to play against my mom in Monopoly.

i am begging this one dude to shut up about his fucking boyfriend if he's going to bitch about his sister not shutting up about her boyfriend.

I'm mad at myself for not being a better adult earlier on and having little to no debt and actually have savings because there's a sort of tiny house I want, but I would need to be able to buy land to put it on plus buy it and also then get water and electric hooked up to it. And I can't even afford a cheap used car right now.
:c

But I want it so badly that I took pictures of it, inside and out. And someday, I'll hopefully be able to afford it.

fan to our computer is running, not sure what's causing that, given that CPU usage isn't too bad and neither is the memory usage.

My mom is HUGE on making "Vision boards",
She has so many pictures of herself behind the wheels of a Mercedes and she has it on her vision board. :)

I told her recently that she should have another board for all the things on the vision board that have already been accomplished.

I think there's nothing wrong with picturing yourself (literally) in your dream car.

I don't care about getting a car. It's the $70k+ small house, not including land to put it on and hooking up electric and water that I'm mad at my past self about. I haven't had a car for like 5 or 6 years and really haven't needed one too much in all that time.
But would kill to have my own house so I don't have to deal with obnoxious neighbors and can have a craft room that the cats can't get into and not have to deal with landlords who never actually fix the things you need fixed.

GPU? Disk usage? Maybe it's just a little warm in your house.

probably. it has been getting warmer.

I made another attempt to go grocery shopping by myself this week... My mom was waiting in the parking lot.

Again, failed. I stood in line for a good 10 minutes or so, which is longer than I've waited by myself before.
I started panicking a bit, and ended up just leaving the line....


It feels so stupid that this is such a struggle for me. My anxiety just gets so much worse when I'm by myself. I worry about people trying to hurt me in some way, or kidnapping me. I did not think that this would be so difficult. It's a bit discouraging...

One of the few things I had to look forward to has been neglected for quite some time now and it's making it a lot harder to get through the day.

I don't want to sound negative, because you're still trying and that's wonderful! I'm glad you're still working towards your goal.

I just wonder if maybe you're trying to rush it/take too big of a step all at once. Maybe start with smaller steps like having someone walk with you to grab the items, then wait outside while you pay and gradually work towards them only being with you for half the shopping and eventually being able to shop with them in the car until you can eventually go by yourself.

Sounds like you've got a lot of worries and anxieties, which I think could make it harder to jump in headfirst. I'm sure it's frustrating, but smaller steps may be easier to handle? Just a suggestion.

Either way, I really hope it gets easier, I'm sure you can do it!

kaderin has good advice there.

dad had to let someone borrow the car bc his rabbit was sick.

In other news: how the hell did I end up with so many nail polishes?!? I'm close to 2/5 done with redoing my swatch sticks and have already done 108 polishes!

um...
;-;
I have no clue what to do.
Think I'll go watch a movie or something...

I appreciate your advice, Kaderin :)

Unfortunately I had a bit of a set back last night...
My "paranoia" was kicked up due to something a person I know said, and I'm currently feeling extremely discouraged and even though I planned to complete my goal this month, it doesn't look like it's going to happen.
My set back really messed with my head.

I'm not going to make any more attempts at all for the rest of this month, most likely...

It actually really upset me very much, and I was going to start isolating myself because of this experience, but I am trying to break that habit of holding things in like that... Or at the very least, I'm trying to not isolate. I want to get into others' worlds too

=u=
I love how even though I am at home a majority of the time, the only time to myself that I get is at night...when I'm tired and just want to rest.
>n> It might mess up my sleep schedule, but I might just try napping again...since no one here at home cares what I do for most of the day I guess..

Ngl, I'm exhausted and can't wait for today to be over. I got tasked with like 3 different things to get done all at once and it took me nearly half an hour to get on break after being told to go on one because I kept getting stuck trying to help customers.
XP

My lower right eyelid feels weird. =.o
Gonna take it easy with the screens today maybe.

I'm gonna say something really shitty and selfish. It's mostly just because I'm tired and in a bad mood and not meant to be negative toward anyone.


Anyway, shitty thing over. Plz don't hate or judge me for being a selfish bitch please. ;>.>

literally nobody is even helping me with a friend who is an alcoholic.

nice to know that i'm only there to give free therapy, i guess.

Me: Whines online about feeling unappreciated on my birthday.

My boss: anyway, here all that vacation time you should have accrued for your last 4 years here, in the form of a massive check and also you still have over 330 hours of vacation and sick pay available to use(combined. they're shown separately, I just combined them for dramatic effect.)
And a last minute staff meeting! (Bruh. There's a cake on the kitchen countee with a towel over it. I'm a Ravenclaw for a reason, I know that it's a birthday party.)

wait, it was your birthday? my mum's bday is on the twelfth of june.

Nah. Today is. They just had to do the birthday thing yesterday because the boss was taking today off.
Haha so many June birthdays!

eggless banana breab is pawssible. might be kinda crumbly.

@#$^*(^$##$% website updated in the middle of me trying to order something and now it's not even available to ship. so i found it on etsy. exact size fabric i was looking for, but like 2x as much as i wanted to pay for it. (on the other hand, it was less than what i would have paid for 2x as much fabric as i would have gotten if i could have ordered it online.... XD )

>U> I confess...
I sometimes act out whatever I'm listening to with kung-fu, punching, headbanging, drumming and lil' dance-y wiggles and bounces...in the car...while I'm driving.

Why am I confessing this?
I have no idea! <X'D
Because I'm somehow hoping someone will find this hilarious and relatable and I'm not alone and guilty in having fun with music and being sorta reckless in the process.

So there was this really cute dog that showed up in our neighbor's yard and he's very friendly but he didn't have a collar. We couldn't take him in because of all the cats we have, though he did walk away after getting some attention. :( Hope he finds someone.

How is 45 seconds of shoulder taps part of a beginner friendly arm workout? How?!? Because I only manage about 2 taps per side before my arms start to give out. Maybe 3 per side if I really want to push it, forget going for 45 seconds!
XD
Guess I gotta work harder and get some muscles built.
And should probably try to figure out a proper, healthy meal plan...

Doing them on an incline might help when you're starting out. That way you can also focus on maintaining good form.

See....but the video which clearly states as being "for beginners" doesn't tell us that. Anywhere. At all. Not that I'm arguing your advice because it's solid and I agree. Just...I think something like that should be included in the intro of the workout video(s). Because tbh 90% of all the person's "beginner" videos that I've seen are more like advanced beginner to intermediate to me tbh.
It's like she just assumes that beginners have already been working out and know correct form.
XD

I mean...I really only download a lot of them because she had some fun dance workouts that I enjoyed, even though I don't have the skill to do a lot of the body roll motions and I don't feel comfortable doing jumping moves (because...apartment), but they're still good cardio.
Might find someone different for true beginner friendly (and hopefully apartment friendly) target area workouts though.

It seems that way for just about everything when it comes to teaching for some. Like even cooking, if you're a beginner they still can unintentionally skip the basics because it has become second nature to them and they forget.

In case you're open to suggestions, I've seen Fitness Blender frequently recommended. It sounds like it might have some options. Sydney Cummings might be the one I heard about having apartment friendly videos. But I can't speak from experience on either of those since I do my own thing.

Thanks! I'll check them out tomorrow when I have wifi!
I wish I could just do my own thing...but I tend to fall off the wagon a lot easier without some sort of specific guided workout to follow. And also a lot of variation or just generally fun stuff. If I can be "tricked" into working out with a good routine that actually feels fun (and/or a really good, upbeat instructor/person doing the video) instead of just basic "do x reps of x, now hold x for x amount of times, rinse and repeat" in a very bland way, I'm more likely to continue with it.

I actually wish I was a) less self-conscious about exercising in front of people and b) had more time and money to dedicate to a gym
And also that c) Corona wasn't a thing
Oh and d) that places here actually offered fun workout classes,
Because I actually took a cardio kickboxing class during one of my attempts at college and even though I felt like I was dying by the end of each class, it was actually a load of fun and I 100% wish I could find a way to make exercising fun for myself because I'd be in soich better shape if I could.
Instead I get bored and make excuses and give up a couple weeks into each attempt at getting into a workout routine.

Yeah, finding what works for you can be a challenge. Maybe part of the fun can be trying different things? Like goat yoga! ...it's really a thing.

I totally get not wanting to work out in front of others and the budget thing because it's also been a barrier of sorts. So I wind up doing everything at home.

Oh, another one I remember being commonly suggested is Yoga With Adriene, if that route might be of any interest.

I've seen goat yoga. Unfortunately the most interesting thing to hit where I live is probably zumba. And the last time I saw it actually advertised as a class was several years ago. Back when it was still new and popular. Other than that...nothing. To my knowledge there are no fun, interesting workout classes offered here.

I'll have to look that one up too! I've been wanting to try yoga tbh.

You can make up your own... using your craft experience? Crochet lunges, needlework planks, uhh...aerial quilting.

Lol. First thing I think up? Derpy squats.
1. place Derpy on the floor
2. Squat down and pick up Derpy.
3. Stand up while extending arms straight intonthe air
4. Spin in a circle while Derpy makes airplane noises.
5. Squat down and place Derpy on the floor.
Derpy is now chanting "again! Again!"
Repeat steps 2-5 until Derpy is tuckered out or you collapse. (whichever happens first.)

<u<; well, it's probably cuter than what I do to try and exercise...
._. either I go full on 30 min strength training, or I pretend I'm a bird/dinosaur for a little while. >u>; the latter one I make sure to do when I'm all alone in the house...which hasn't been for a long time. <:T
Actually either hasn't happened in a long time...

Rawr dino workout!
XD
(Ngl that actually sounds like a lot of fun.)

You can call it Walking with Dinosaurs. But now a workout in a dinosaur museum sounds rather appealing.