It feels like I am screaming inside...
It feels like literally my soul is screaming into a void...

I don't want to get into details here in this thread... or any thread, really...

I've been in so much pain for three days now...



edit;
So I will probably not be able to post as much as I'd like to...
Not because I can't, just because I really don't feel like being a bother

i have mass amounts of boredom.

feel free to yell, ava. i don't think any of us have much to do.

Honestly felt such depression a couple days ago, or a week ago,...last month maybe. I have no more concept of time anymore. ;u;
You're not alone Ava! ;.; I don't feel like being a bother either.

Currently sorting out my emotional swings with some heavy metal:

Metal is great for that! I've got a playlist labeled "Intensity" that I used to use when I just needed to drown everything out with loud powerful music.

I have 2 metal playlists,
<x} One for Metal Mondays
and Two for Organized Artists. :] which I usually listen to for hard housework/chores. x3

Have never wanted to punch a cashier more than this idiot kid I dealt with today (and as a former grocery cashier, and current general retail cashier, I have a fuckton of patience with people in customer service).

So first off, I'm approaching the checkout lane. He's just finished the last customer. He immediately grabs his phone, holds it up above the counter and proceeds scrolling and/or typing, looks up, sees me, looks back at his phone, finishes whatever he's doing, then gets to scanning my stuff. He doesn't say a word. No "hello". No "find everything okay". Nothing. A friend of his walks in. He is immediately "oh, I have to tell you something, call me later, I'm off at x". Then back to silence. A woman walks by. He compliments her tattoo. Silence again. He goes to put my milk in a bag. I clearly and at a volume loud enough to be heard say "I don't need my milk in a bag." He pauses looks at me and proceeds to put my milk in the bag. I pay, grab my groceries, take my milk out of the bag (it's got a handle already for fuck's sake), and leave.

Talk about a rude cashier. Is he Squidward 2.0? :|

*hears a newborn baby crying in a commercial on TV* "That is the sound of love.~"
Me to my mom: That is the terror-stricken cry of someone who never asked to be here. x'D
My mom:

my mom is gossiping about my aunts while the door to my grandparents' room is open and they, the aunts' parents, can hear everything and. when i told my mom they can hear everything. she said she didn't care :s-twitch:

Currently working on a Joseph Joestar chibi paperchild while listening to some sick Eurobeat. >x3

Frustrated at how my one friend doesn't listen. And in this instance also read. But also mildly amused and it's not a big deal this time, so no worries.

Basically, friend works at the library, which is closed, but staff can still check out books for friends and family. So I asked them to grab me a chainmaille instruction book. I said I'd send them the book title and author name. Sent a pic of the book I wanted since the book I have (the second book of the "series") had a pic of it in the back cover.
They brought me the book I already own. XD
It's fine. They'll bring the right one tomorrow.

everything i have to do during this lockdown is on the computer and as a result my eyes hurt. and my wrists/elbows too, from all the typing. TT

;u; I'm very quickly getting tired of school, and I wanna stop but I know my mom is gonna hate the fact that I want to drop out...I, on the other hand, really love the fact that I want to drop out. <xD

my brother actually swept and mopped today and i was very determinedly trying not to find it cute. i refuse to think he's cute for doing the bare minimum. nope. not cute at all >,>

It's christmas-time now I decided. -U-
Merry crissmiss!
Merry crisis!
<x} <3 This is my way of coping in a frustrating and scary time, by turning to the things that make me fuzzy, happy and safe, ergo, the christmases of my childhood!

'merry crisis' shouldn't have made me laugh as much as it did :f-rollinglaugh:

i cope by diving deep into escapist fiction and fandom stuff. o.o

*in an appropriately caroling melody,* <x'D HAhahahaha-hahaha-ha!~
It is a crisis after all. <x} Happy I made someone laugh today!

AAaaa I'm writing a sort of pain-demon-guardian story to help me cope with my past pain and I think it might be great! {B> Hnng! I have to write more tomorrow though because I can feel my eyes droopin'! /xux\

it's a crisis after all,
it's a crisis after all,
it's a crisis after all
it's a world- pan- demicccc

that sounds amazing ;u; how do the demon and guardian interact?
i'm writing a very self-indulgent fanfic about one of my k-pop boys putting makeup on another of my k-pop boys xD

The demons ARE the guardians.~
8D <3 They help their humans. <x'{ and it's super wholesome so far, nnnnphhhh! <3 </3 Wish I could write more but I guess I'll have to see how tomorrow goes. <x'D

TURNTABLES. i love it! :f-cheer:

wholesome stories are the best stories! i hope you get plenty of writing time tomorrow c:

I love FF7 Remake so much <3

my friend has written 60,000 words of a fanfic for the webnovel 'An Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint', just like that. i wish i could write so many words so quickly.

been getting into Parsnip, The Testimony of Trixie Glimmer Smith and Three Lesbians in a Barrow.

they're good games.

Parsnip has a really cute style, judging from screenshots i just saw.

my rant... today is a day at home for me. i went over to one of my Giant supermarkets to get a few fresh things and other foodstuffs that i didn't put on my shopping list, because i'm picking up my order tomorrow night (buy online, pick up at the store). once i'm home and back at my computer, i figure i'll update my order, since i got things that i had put on the order but now i can wait another week or so for them. so i click on the link in my email - and the site has been redesigned and doesn't like my password. so i reset it, and now i'm stuck in a loop - do i have an account? i click i do, put in my email and password, and then it takes me right back to the "I have an account" button and "i don't have an account" button page. i can't create a new account either. so i call the store. they can't see who's on the list for tomorrow until tomorrow, and call back in the morning. that makes sense, so i tell her i'll call back and thank her.

but... *sigh* rude.

i'm good though, we have enough for meals for another few days. and now we have paper towels and snacks. :)

I officially need to make tiny little grocery bags for Derpy so I can put all the little food toys I have in it and take photos of his "shopping trip".
XD

I'm a dork. XP

that sounds adorable, Kaderin!

Also should pick up some of the small foods (Shopkins Real Littles) other than the frozen foods ones. XD

in other news, i was eventually able to log in to the app and update my order.... so when it emailed me my update, i was able to open the site on my laptop and login there! yaaay! now.... i'm still guessing that i'll only get about 50% of it anyway, but that's another story XD

When you open a fortune cookie and the fortune is just what you've been looking for. ;u; <3

Been staring into voids a lot more lately...
o.o? Wonder if it means I'm more distracted or more aware of...something.

i like posting to fanfic authors' curiouscats but sometimes idk what to say ;u;

I have random Disney movie questions.
>.=

Question(s) 1:

If the Genie from Aladdin hasn't been let out of his lamp for 10,000 years, then the last master he granted 3 wishes to, lived 10,000 years ago...
and he has rules for the wishes, like not bringing people back from the dead, not wishing for more wishes, and not making people fall in love with each other...
so, does that mean he granted those previous wishes in the past before and refuses to grant them to Aladdin via those rules, because they ended up causing big problems and ruining a ton of lives??...
ontop of that, the Genie wants to be free from his wish-granting obligations and from his lamp so, does that mean he was an imprisoned long ago, or was he always a genie??? And if not...
who was he even??
and just how long ago has he actually lived???

and
Question 2:

If Alice was living in England, had a little cat, and the woman in the beginning of the movie was her older sister trying to recite her history lessons, does this mean she comes from an upper-class family, or is she adopted because she has blonde hair and her sister has brown hair?

i don't know about the Alice in Wonderland disney movie, but the original book by Lewish Carroll was written for the amusement of a child Lewis Carroll was friends with called Alice Liddell. The character Alice was supposed to be based on herself to some extent. her father was the Dean of an Oxford college so it's safe to say that the real Alice, at least, was definitely from an upper-class family of the time. (She had two sisters, Edith and Lorina, and they make brief appearances in Alice in Wonderland too. Lorina is the Lory and Edith is the Eaglet.)
Also Lorina was her older sister, so Alice's older sister in the story may be based on her.

Yikes, got some golf ball sized hail.

grumbles about low empathy, then remembers that i'm in vague amounts of pain and i'm on the first energy drink of the day.

I have been clinging to Imgur and stealing saving memes and stuff onto my phone. <x} I also saw a video on Imgur with a ghost nun scaring some dude and he threw his waterbottle at them. <x'D Then apologized. It was hilarious.

Frustrated because of incomplete instructions/tutorial on a project I started. XP

Especially when there were videos uploaded AFTER the last incomplete instructions video, but not finishing the instructions I need.

@ Daiko: Oop! <x/ Forgot to respond to your answer! Interesting. o.o I didn't know that a real girl was the inspiration for Alice, and she had 2 sisters! AND her father was actually an Oxford college dean which means education was stressed for a really understandable reason now! <xD
No wonder she was daydreaming most of the time! I would too if school and studies were my all day everyday life!

Actual shout:
>8[ I made pasta for lunch and I'm proud of myself for makin' it really tasty! It was rainbow rotini with tomato sauce, mini meatballs, spinach, and diced mushroom. >.< So damn tasty! And I rinsed my dishes THOROUGHLY so there's no food stuck on them! Like a good human bean!
>8C
But I'm also crabby about these people that live in this house!
My brother has a bunch of electronic junk and stuff everywhere now, so there's no sitting in the living room OR media room now. >X{ He's leaving bottles and cans everywhere I have to pick up! AND my mum just put her empty bottle of face wash on the PS4. =M<# It didn't spill much out of it, but it left some sticky residue ontop of it, which could have been worse, but STILL! 8C I'm left stressed with these two! <x{ I gotta take a nap or something..

Lol. Was cleaning the lgbtq center today and they have a section of shelves with lgbtq dvds and books and then I spotted a few Anne McCaffrey Dragonriders of Pern books on the shelves and my first thought was "oh cool, they have something for the Aces too!"
XD

I'm such a dork.