Granted, but the lack of serotonin drives you mad.

I wish I knew what friendship was.

Granted. Now you don't know anything else.
I wish I was a millionaire

Granted! But unfortunately, someone stole your money from the bank and escaped while you're away before you got the chance to catch them.

I wish I had the ability to travel through time.

Granted but you can only visit times you hate

I wish I was amazing at drawing

Granted! But you are terrible at coloring.


I wish I had a regular sleeping schedule

Granted, but you suffer from horrific nightmares and never feel rested!

I wish more people were willing to sell me their souls, business is slow.

Granted, but the souls are worth very little =/

I wish I exercised

Curses! Granted, but now you exercise daily for far too long, causing you to miss out on everything else in life! You also look like an insanely muscular body builder as a side effect of all your working out!

I wish I could be a little less scary so more people would be willing to befriend me.

Granted! But now no ones takes you seriously!


I wish my dress was here already

Granted! However the package had come open and the post man was curious to try it on, now the seams are ripped! He was hoping you wouldn't notice.

I wish my cat and dog would stop shedding every time I pet them, I could make blankets from their fur!

Granted, but soon after that fur blankets became a very trendy thing you can't cash in.


I wish my teeth weren't sensitive

Granted! Now all sensitivity from your teeth has traveled to your tongue, good luck eating!

I wish cannibalism was acceptable, then I could enjoy people soup legally!

Granted! Unfortunately you get eaten first.

I wish I could hug all the cats!

Crud I knew that was coming. Granted, but now they all want your attention and you're unfortunately mauled by an angry hoard of cuddle kitties.

I wish noodles didn't take so long to cook.

Granted! Unfortunately now they cook so quickly that you always overcook them and have to eat mushy, noodles.

I wish I could sleep better at night.

Oh yuck, no more eating noodles.

Granted! However now you sleep too well and never wake up before 12PM!

I wish snow at the beach wasn't so rare, I miss snow!

Granted, but now the sea is snow...


I wish I didn't have to floss

Granted! Now your teeth has such large space between food just rinses out, you now have an abnormally large mouth, jaw and head!

I wish I had the power to rule the world.

Granted, but you only obtain it after the last person dies.

I wish my dad wasn't so stubborn

Grant but now he's so easy going for everyone else that anyone can walk all over him