I ate some cold, weird, dairy-less, blueberry and apple oatmeal today for breakfast. :/ Supposedly full of protein and fiber, with no sugars and all natural ingredients. e_e; I think I still have to get used to the taste of healthier foods, because though I'm satisfied for now, (I was pretty hungry and could eat a whole Denny's breakfast!) O-O; I had to tell myself to keep eating it, because it looked like paper mache.

<x'} Sh*t, I should document all the healthy, vegan-friendly stuff I eat, because it's like eating alien food! It's not bad, but not always appetizing either. \B
I think that in a culture where food is literally engineered to smell and taste good, and made to be addicting for corporate profit, :/ I am literally very unfamiliar with the taste of ACTUAL food. I hadn't even started to eat different kinds of beans since a few years after high school! <X/

Ermagerd I just had the most delicious food for lunch (channa masala and daal makhani)! I need to learn more authentic curry recipes to make at home. Yum!

Oatmeal has never been satiating for me, mostly due to the high carbs. I personally stick to other things.

But give your tastebuds time to adjust. It can take a couple of weeks to adapt to flavors.

Where did you get that? Because the claim of "no sugars" is incompatible with the claim of "all-natural ingredients" -- the only way to remove the sugar from fruit is through chemical processing, at which point claiming that it's "all-natural" is dubious at best.

It was called Mush, or Mash or something? /:} Mush!
I found a pic. e_e; Kinda looks like tuna, but they're oats! o_o; I swear!
https://moorewaystowellness.com/wp-c...ry-257x300.jpg

Oh. I'm lookin' at the Nutritional Facts. o_o
Nevermind, there are sugars. <x'} Also fats. :/ But eh, I think I need it actually.

They probably meant "no sugar added" meaning they're relying on the fruit to provide the sweetness on its own instead of adding more. "No sugar added" is... good in theory, but you have to read the label to be sure it's actually meaningful, because sugar is... y'know... sweet. It's entirely possible that the ingredients they used to replace the flavor in the food could be worse for you than just putting in some honey or some cane sugar. Probably not the case here given that you said it was a little bland compared to the usual stuff, but it's not unusual for manufacturers to fix the flavor by adding in more salt or more fat or loading in enough fruit to bring the sugar content up anyway.

Can you tell that the "health" food market has made me exceptionally cynical? There's so much BS flying around in the name of being "good" for you that's really just uncertifiable marketing wank that lets them charge more money for it but that doesn't actually do anything for you. ("Natural" doesn't have a legally defined meaning so you're allowed to put it on anything! "Organic" methods aren't sustainable because they require more land and more labor to produce the same amount of food! All food crops have been genetically modified by humans whether they're lab-manufactured GMOs or not!)

I've been wanting to experiment with a moka pot, and we used to have the one that belonged to my grandfather, but I'm thinking my mother must have thrown it out.

percival is on his period.

percival also had to turn anonymous asks off on his rp blog because people were bitching.

@ Coda:

Probably. :/ I've come to just accept that the food industry is about quantity over quality, and if it takes disguising quality and marketing what they sell for more profit, that's what they'll do. <x[ I'll probably likely continue to digest food the way I've been doing, and not really avoiding sugars and preservatives as much as I think. <:/ But I'm tryin' to at least get in some food that isn't from like fast food places. I cheated yesterday however. >.>; and had a pizza from Pizza Rev. It was good but, kinda oily. I'm gonna break out from that, but I knew that going in. <x}

btw, I thought it was crazy how crazy people are for NON-GMO stuff, and get "Organic" apples, <x'D when actual non-genetically modified apples are actually way smaller than what everyone assumes the size of an apple is, buhcuz genetically modified apples are the norm. O_O; Same with bananas I think.

Actual shout: <x] Gonna go on an adventure and see if I'm hirable today. <8} I'm scared that I'm a lost cause, even though it's literally impossible...probably.

You're right about bananas. Wild bananas are mostly big inedible seeds with the thinnest layer of edible pulp between them. Bananas are actually another reason why genetic research is important; bananas are a monoculture -- all bananas you buy at the store are genetically identical, clones of each other. If you've ever noticed that banana candy doesn't taste like bananas, that's because they taste like the OLD kind of banana that has gone extinct because of a fungal infection, and the new kind of banana that farmers started growing afterward is less sweet (and no less at risk of an extinction-causing disease).

Good luck in the job hunt!

XP
Anyone want to go to the store for me so I can stay home and craft instead of going out into the wind?

I need a pro to critique my rowing form. I feel that it at least is better than it used to be, but it could still use improvement I'm sure. It can also be a challenge to remain consistent.

could theoretically try and re-breed the older fuckin bananas back, but man. i doubt it.

oh boy. so the washing machine has finally given up the ghost.

we also still have warranty on the thing, but, y'know, given that it's a fairly outdated model (4-5 years) i don't think anyone's got the parts.

How do I have all these nail polishes and NONE of them are the colors I need?!? HOW?!?!?

I woke up pissed off and sad this morning, thanks to the dream I had last night. 8/

In the dream,
I was not me, but also me. O-o; Like, I was cuter, had better clothes and my hair was shorter.
And I was with my boyfriend and his friends, kicking back in someone's convertible while we waited in my old neighborhood for someone else to arrive. I say boyfriend, though I didn't recognize him, wasn't even a past boyfriend, and I have never met him irl, but in the dream, we were together. /8[
Anyway, as we waited, I just kept quiet and on my phone while they all chatted, and I started to get more and more teed off. >:/ Mainly because his friends were all stupid and rude, kept telling edgy immature jokes, and began talking about chicks right in front of me. I don't think they even noticed I was there, not even "my boyfriend" seemed to care, and they all talked about me right in front of me, like I wasn't even there! There was just no signs of respect for me to be found at all.

So, I wriggled out of my boyfriend's side, and got out of the car with my stuff. =_= He was all, "hey, where are you going?" and "What's wrong?"
And I just kept silent, with my blood just boiling. >:C And I slammed the door on him after pushing his leg back in the car.
His friends all stopped talking and just murmured and chuckled to each other. I think I heard one of them say, "Woo, eesh, bit of a hothead huh?"

Now, In this situation, I would typically just stay quiet and walk away, as I'm just naturally passive like that. But dream me is different. 0-0

8[ I took a nearby mailbox, (that's right, MAILBOX. The whole box AND the wooden post it sat on!) yanked it out of the ground, and threw it at the car with my boyfriend and his buddies in it. Then I proceeded to yell at him, and call them all assholes! >:{ I then stormed off across the street to go to my old house, not caring that my boyfriend was pursuing me with NO CLUE as to why I should be upset. His friends were all in awe at the dent I made in the car, and commenting on my "cute explosive temper", chuckling and throwing pity laughs as they watched him try to "calm me down".

B{ I made it to my old house's porch, and he was behind me, trying to understand what it is that I wanted from him. He asked if it was something he and his friends said, or if I was "just on the period", or if I was impatient.
=~= I wasn't having any of my boyfriend's shit, and totally bit his head off any way that I could. I mean, I went for his jugular. 8[ I gave him a worse scolding than his mother and grandma combined.

He did apologize but then he wanted me to come back to the car with him so we could all go to the mall or wherever together. >B{ I told him how if I ever wanted to meet his friends and feel welcome as a part of the group, that it was possibly the worst way to do it, as he didn't even properly introduce me. I was just, "the girlfriend." >:/ And I was sick of feeling invisible, excluded and made out to be no one but an accessory. And I felt like an accessory, not a person. I told him that I wouldn't take that sort of disrespect, even from his close friends.

He promised that he'd introduce me properly and that he'd make his friends understand that I have feelings and deserve their acknowledgement and respect,
B[ But I didn't believe it'd be that simple. I stood cold and stubborn in my anger, and refused to go back. >n< I told him that it wouldn't work, and I wasn't about to just change their minds because he vouches for me. >:C I said "Go without me, since it's obvious you want to spend time with those idiots instead of with some accessory."

We fought on the porch for a bit longer, and he managed to get me to come back to the car, and give the group another chance, since he planned for us to all go out and have fun together.

I went with such a scowl on my face. >Bc And stood quiet while my boyfriend introduced me properly, and got his friends to listen. He then motioned for me to greet everyone over again, as before, I greeted them with a polite and passive optimism. >B/ I just stood there, looking at him, then at his friends as they all introduced themselves to me. But it was patronizing, like I was a 4 year old who was looking for an apology. I just silently acknowledged them all, my scowl lightening off, but I was still pissed off at their babying of me.

Finally, just as my boyfriend got in the car and thought all was well and resolved, they all went back to talking with one another, and totally ignoring me. >8c I didn't get back in, and retreated back across the street, storming off once again, and once again, my boyfriend yelled after me, and followed behind, with his buddies calling him back and saying, "let her go!" and "she's not worth it!"

>:C I furiously turned heel, and stamped right up to my boyfriend and shoved my phone in his hand, and my things. I told him not to call me and to give those things to a girl who's happy to be a cute doll for him to drag along wherever he likes. I then went into my house, with him following me to my room, but I couldn't slam the door behind me, since, 8/ well, my old bedroom never had a door.

(Well, it did when we left the house and moved, :/ but I don't usually recall that door in my room in dreams.)
I told him to get out, go away and leave me alone. >:{ And I curled up in my bed, hiding myself in a bunch of blankets, in tears, angry...furious. <B{ And also very sad.

He tried to comfort the blanket blob that was me, but I just kicked him off, with angry murmurs and growls. B{ So he just sat beside me instead. I didn't listen to anything he had to say, and just cried into the blankets. <B{ I just couldn't stress enough, how I wanted to just be welcomed, treated right, and feel included. But now I felt jealous that his buddies could make him laugh more genuinely and way better than I could. And if I couldn't make him happy but his friends could, why does he even want to be with me? >:'{ I got even more upset and felt more alone, that I am just some girl that looked cute to him, and he's pursuing for pleasurable companysake. That I'm nothing more than an attempt to feel like he has something nice and female in his life.

I knew he loved me. And it was sad, because I didn't love him the same way I knew he loved me for. <B{ and it reminded me just how I felt with guys and their friends irl, and of my ex-bf for misinterpreting my feelings, and my asexuality not being compatible with him at all...I felt hopeless, and angry, and just shut off. <B/

Then I woke up...
and I remembered, "Oh, that's right." <x'} "I don't have a boyfriend. Lol! Why am I even sangry?"

Yeah I'm content with just posting here. XD That and I always forget to log onto Discord. =w=

i'm endlessly afraid for the kids in this day and age.

My grandma is slowly losing her mind and her mobility, and during these few weeks, it's taken a lot of patience from the household to help her and care for her. <:[
However, she is seeing things and people and talking to or bringing them to our attention. 0-0; And it's both fascinating, and disheartening, since I've heard stories of many elderly people seeing ghosts, or people or animals that no one else can see. Especially when their own time is near.

(We really just go along with what she sees and says, so she's not uncomfortable or aware that she's going through memory-loss or hallucinations. <:/)

She told my mom something downright spooky a couple days ago, during the middle of the night, like 2 AM coming back from the restroom to her room.
Probably went something like this:

My Nani: "Tam! Who is that??"
My Mom: "What?"
My Nani: "That lady! You see her?"
My Mom: "You mean the ghost?"
My Nani: "IS she a ghost?"
My Mom: "I don't know, what's she doing?"
My Nani: "Nothing! She's just standing there, lookin' at me."
My Mom: "You sure it's not Dad?"
My Nani: "NO. It's a woman."
My Mom: "Well, don't just look back at her, why don't you say hello?"
My Nani: "Oh, I don't think she can hear me. She'll go away."
My Mom: "Oh, okay Mom. Let's get you into bed, okay. It's 2 in the morning."
My Nani: "Shit! Hohohoho, 2 in the morning?! Why didn't you tell me, haha!"

and I'm listening to my mom retell this like,
https://i.gifer.com/D9T3.gif
welp. Uhhh. We got a ghost. But at least the ghost isn't a bad one. ;U; I think.

I need to find someone who shares my interests to do things with so I don't annoy others.

I get trisphee dry spells, where I feel completely unmotivated to post

This kinda sounds like my Auntie Rosie after she was diagnosed with dementia.
She would say, "Hey.... there's this lady looking at me"
Family would say, "Who is it, Auntie Rosie?"
And she'd say, "This woman... I look at her, and she looks at me!"
And finally family was like, "Auntie Rosie, show us this woman you keep seeing."

And it turns out, Auntie Rosie was talking about her reflection in the mirror.


:(

Dementia can really be heartbreaking, especially when you're close to them.

My minor inconvenience...both bags of coffee beans for the week turned out pretty lame, even after trying to dial them in. Mixing beans I don't like can often produce better results, but not this time.

My dad had it before he died. :( It's very heartbreaking.

i went all the way to college, found out there were no classes being held, then came all the way back home.

-_-

my rapist from 20 years ago went to jail on saturday.
i don't know how to feel about it

Woah :0 20 years too late but heck x_X Least they're finally rotting in prison?

excessively vague shout into the void, but i'm gonna start planning out that damn zine tbh.

I consumed a blueberry incorrectly and it resulted in me trying to cough the blueberry back up, but my dumb ass swallowed that berry down and kept coughing for a good 5 minutes, unable to speak again or clear my throat for about 10 minutes. O-<; Had to put the blueberries back in the fridge. :( Drank a bunch of water. How the heck did I forget to eat correctly??? XD

That reminds me, I have blueberries that have been in the freezer from when I picked them last year. ;n;

Ugh. Had to buy new shoes online because no one in town had any I liked/wanted in the right size at an affordable price. But thankfully, I did get to try on the shoes I am buying in a store, but just the normal width and I need wide shoes because I have big paddle feet. XP
So at least I know that they should fit okay.

the cottage cheese has been in the fridge too long and,,, i gotta clean it out...

Would be cool to figure out why I keep getting leg cramps even when keeping on top of my hydration and electrolytes.

Tired... trying to use brain xux

i have some thinking to do about my grad school thesis. more precisely, i have to think about my supervisor because... one of the profs might be a wolf in sheep's clothing but she also has an overlapping research area with what i want to do with my thesis. and none of the other profs have that. if i go supervisor shopping for another prof she'll hear about it because they all talk. sigh,,, why do universities have drama and politics and whatnot. this is one of the reasons i'm never gonna go into academia and have my fingers crossed for a future publishing job.

percival now has an aesthetic for apocalyptic things.

at the end of everything, hold on to anything, he guesses.

My mom's shower door scared the sh*t out of me. I woke up in the early morning hours to a frickin' heavy explosion sound. OnO; I didn't know what it was at first and was scared my grandma fell again, but there wasn't much commotion after that, and she asked us what that loud noise was. So she was fine. <:/

>:/ But my mom's glass shower door was NOT! 8{ Turns out it just spontaneously SHATTERED, and glass was AAAAALL over the bathroom floor, along with the metal bar handle. 8C Glass bits falling continued for about 10 minutes afterwards, and I tried going back to sleep, after that jolting me awake. >~>; But I had to text my mom what happened. >.>; I have no idea what caused it, but I've heard about this sort of thing before with glass shower doors.
:/ It's not uncommon to happen actually, and there's plenty of theories as to why exploding glass shower doors spontaneously just shatter. But I was kind of worried it would happen in the back of my mind, as I actually never expected it to happen. 0-0; I kinda wish it was just a result of someone's psychic powers of telekinesis in this house, but, =_= it's wishful thinking. If it's anything paranormal it's probably the fault of a ghost and not me, suddenly gaining a super power of the mind.

;n; </3 Man...now I gotta shower in the other bathroom, with no windows in it..

it's probably the steam from the shower or smth.

Could have been, as two people used the shower yesterday..
8/ It was fucking LOUD though, and out of nowhere in the middle of the night! I thought a fridge just dropped out of the sky and landed in the middle of the street!

I really want to see Onward again. The movie hit me in the heart so much with everything that happened last month and it's one of my favorites now. ;u;