Pffft wooow xD!

I wish to be able to bend all reality however i like

Granted
However, you will never know exactly what is really real anymore and therefore will be unsure of what reality you are bending at the time.

I wish my hair would stay dyed and stop fading so bad.

Granted!
Although now you're hair has stopped growing altogether.

Pssst, you need to wish something xD

Well...since wishing seems to have stopped...I'll kick it up again.

I wish I had unlimited money.

Granted!
But you give all your money away to charity, except for basic living expenses.

I wish I had a closet with clothes hangers.

Granted!
But everything you put in it disappears.

I wish someone would cook me dinner.

Granted! But they burn all the food they cook.

I wish I could fly.

You can fly, but only up to 10ft high

I wish I had a job

You have a job, but it's 48 hours per week.

I wish the solar system would move to the center of space!

It did, but now we're further from the sun and it's ice age again.

I wish I didn't have to wake up early.

Granted but now you wake up a half hour late for everything you need to do.

I wish I could have lots of cheese dishes right now.

Granted, but the cheese dishes follow you around until you finish all of them at once.

I wish the moths at home would move somewhere else.

They moved somewhere else. Now there's room for cockroaches at your house!!!

I wish my dad was younger.

He's younger, and he's turned into a baby!

I wish there was such a thing as pizza growing on trees.

Nooo not a baby D:

Now pizzas grow on trees. But they are seasonal :( the harvest is only once a year.

I wish it wasn't 2 am here.

It isn't, but you waited half a day already!

I wish brussel sprouts were less bitter.

Granted, but now you don't have a pen!

I wish there were land beneath both ice caps...uh, some land, not all land.

There's land, but it's too hot and it melts the ice caps :(((


I wish the day was longer!!!

Awesome wish!

As the resident evil overlord in training I may just be able to help you. Let me test my new doomsday device and halt Earth in its rotation. I'll skip the boring physics explanations - just take my word for it: this will cause each day to last roughly six months (because Sun still wobbles around a bit in space). Of course it means nights are also going to last half a year, so you might consider to pick up a habit of artificial hibernation. I'd also advise to invest in good air condition for the extremely hot days and lots of furry winter clothes for the night time (don't forget your long johns). You might need shelter from the heavy storms to come due to heat exchange.

Oh, and did I mention the sudden puff of wind caused by Earth's atmosphere? Expect it to be around 1050 miles per hour. On the bright side however, the wind will only last a few minutes before friction slows it down again (yep, physics again - mad scientists unite!)

Your best bet to survive would be either a South Pole research station, far enough away from any major storms, or Helsinki's super cool underground city - which is where I'm heading right now.

Enjoy!

Also, I wish the Reindeer hooded towel I'm sewing as a Christmas present for my cousin's toddler will turn out great.

Uhn... why is your post title harmless D:

Granted, but all future presents will be as bad as this will be great.

I wish physics didn't work in wishes!

Hehe, I'm innocent, I swear! It must be some default forum title based on the number of posts. But you know, I'm pure as the driven slush.

Granted. The laws of physics will from now on be replaced by a pantheon of grumpy gods. They still screw your wishes over, only you know some sadistic deity up there munches popcorn while laughing their divine head off at the misfortune they caused you.

I wish Game of Thrones the Musical was a real thing. Some of those songs just deserve full feature length.

It is now true! But that makes the tv series get cancelled...

I wish the gods loved me like Athena loved Ulysses!

*shrugs* That's what DVDs are for.

All gods? Alrighty.
They do. In fact they love you so much, they now spend all day and night fighting each other about who deserves your attention most. Each time one god sets up something nice for you, another one dashes it to pieces out of jealousy. Even when something good happens without being caused by a god, a god will destroy it nevertheless just to be sure, because it could be the work of a rival after all. I mean, what did you expect? Whenever gods meddle in human affairs, a mere apple can start a decade of war...

I wish I had a local pen and paper roleplaying group.

Granted. But I'm your DM and Im so shitty at it that it's impossible to have a good time.

I wish my friends schedule matched with mine so we had more time to spend with each other.

Granted. Only every time you guys spend time together, a gaggle of geese fly into you and your friends and stay to quack until you guys leave to do something.

I wish geese chirped.

They do now! But it's so loud they can only chirp once before dying of exhaustion :((((

I wish I had tons of snow to donate to the bucket!

Noo, don't die!

Granted, but the bucket breaks from too much snow!

I wish mosquitoes didn't exist.

Poof! Mosquitoes gone! But now the zika virus can be transmitted through dogs and they must be sacrificed D:

I wish I had eaten earlier.

Granted, but you got good poisoning.

I wish there was a 2nd Canada.

Granted but it turns out the be the United states.

I wish I didn't have to take my husband to work so early, and in turn go to work early myself. (no point in going into town and not just go to work 2 hours early)

Granted, but now your husband takes you to work early, and thus both of you still work early.


I wish flying pigs were real.

Granted! But now only pigs can fly. No other animal can fly now.

I wish my room didn't need cleaning.

Granted! But you will get a lot of bugs

I wish money grew on trees

Granted, but only one out of a million of the money trees seeds are viable, and the trees' roots are extremely susceptible to a tree fungus that destroys them and hence the tree itself. Also, now that money /does/ grow on trees, the seeds and saplings have become one of the most closely-guarded treasures of world governments.

I, um. I wish I didn't have to deal with mental illnesses, whether it be my own or anyone else's.

Granted, but all those mental illnesses have been transferred to another group of people.

I wish people could fly.

Granted, but they need lessons first, and they're so expensive!!

I wish it wasn't so late.

(It's always early the next day!)

Granted, but you now have to get out of bed at 4am tomorrow.

I wish I didn't currently have and art/writer's block.

Granted, but you won't make any progress

I wish my wishes came true