Granted, but now they are imaginary.

I wish my food wasn't burnt.

Granted, but now it isn't even cooked!

I wish I could draw worth a damn!

Granted, but now you are forced to draw every second of every day for the rest of your life.....and you hate it.

I wish I could breathe underwater.

Granted, but you can only breathe underwater. And now you live in Arizona.

I wish I could catch this thief at work who keeps jacking CD's.

Granted, but you we're then murdered by the thief because there can't be any witnesses.

I wish I had the motivation to workout for a year.

Granted, but you only have the motivation to workout ever, and you're now on Pluto.

I wish I had a car.

Granted! But it's a future car, and no source of power exists for it yet.

I wish I had a working Sega Genesis.

Granted. However, it is so busy working on monitoring you that it can't work for you...and burns up your savings on electricity and internet.

I wish for no wish

Granted, but now everyone you say,"I wish," a puppy cries.

I wish my phone had more battery life.

Granted, but your battery gains so much life that it develops a life of its own and doesn't approve with how you use your phone, and rebels against you to overthrow the bourgeois humans.

I wish for...heated floors!

Granted but now the floors are so hot the bottoms of your feet melt off if you walk on them.

I wish I didn't have to pay for the electricity in my apartment.

Granted, you didn't pay, now your electricity has turned off.

I wish I can find a friggin' play that I can go see that fits in my schedule and budget and then attend said play.

Granted, but it's 'Our American Cousin', and through the power of Corrupt a Wish, the version you see is the most famous production...from 1865.

I wish for brownies from Domino's!

Your wish is granted, Salone. Unfortunately, you've developed a severe intolerance to chocolate. Even the smell makes you nauseous! Sorry, my friend.

I wish for a night sky that could gaze back at me. :)

Granted, but you are in a tiny box, your life span is 5 hours, and you're likely to be eaten at that time by a cat.

I wish I had a puppy.

Granted, but because you smothered the puppy it ran away to Puppywood where it will become a famous movie star and talk show host. He also has a restraining order on you and your also no longer allowed in the state of Kansas for some reason.

I wish Gaia Online will go bankrupt and close down.

Granyed, but when it goes bankrupt, it takes all other avi sites with it because, as it turns oit, Gaia Online ones every avi site ever created.

I wish I had an xbox.

Granted, but you get a large cardboard box containing every person you've ever dated.

You know, an Ex-Box.

I wish I had unlimited quarters!

Granted, but you needed to do use a infinite washing machine that requires an infinite amount of quarters to operate once.

I wish for pie that tastes like a cake when I eat it.

Granted, but since the cake is a lie so is the pie and in fact it was all a lie. Sorry.
I wish for everlasting intelligence.

sounds like my life already woot!
Granted, but you also must live with eternally never getting full from food.
I wish for better asian all you can eat buffets around my town

Granted, but you will never be able to eat any of it.
I wish for humankind to be able to see more colors.

Granted, but the only colors in the world will be brown, yellow, green and red.

I wish for new lamps in my living room for lighting reasons.

Granted, but the lamps are old oil lanterns and catch the place on fire.

I wish I was funny.

Granted, but you will not meet anyone who understands humor.

I wish people didn't need to breathe oxygen.

Granted. We now have to breathe a mix of Mercury and Arsenic. We're all dead now. Welcome to the Afterlife! It's like normal life, but with less philosophical value and real estate.

I wish for my infection to go away.

Granted, but in return you get a annoying rash behind your kneecap.

I wish my favorite bands stopped losing members D:

Granted. With the band disbanded and their membership 0, they can't lose any more members.

I wish it was 5 hours ago.

Granted, but you're now stuck in an eternal time loop.

I wish batteries wouldn't run out of power.

Granted, but they need to be on all the time!! All the electronics never off!!

I wish I wasn't so lazy

Granted. You are now forced to continuously work without sleep in jobs you hate.

I wish for a calmer temperament. (in other words, to be less hot-headed)

Granted,but now everyone is mad at you because you have no attitude

I wish I had already taken my shower

Granted. But now everywhere you go you are followed by a personal raincloud that never stops pouring.
I wish I could spend more time with my friends...

Granted, but now you have no time at all for your family.

I wish my shoulder wasn't hurting.

*waves staff* Your wish Has now been granted, but now every time you move it it will sound like clanky machinery is shifting.

I wish i Had some meat lovers pizza

GRANTED! But every pizza you have for the rest of your life will be the same as this one.

I wish my dog was a bit calmer at times.

OMFG YES! it's the only kind of pizza i eat >8D!

Granted, but now they're super lazy and dont want to move

So you mean she became just like her sister, my husbands dog XD