|
"And here I thought it was just me." Syrgei says as he turns towards Gambooge, still haphazardly flopped on the ground. He offers his hand to help the elementalist up.
"That golem of yours taking care of the rest of the oozes?" |
Eduardo frowned, watching the interaction of violence and outburst of emotion.
"I say, um...is this...usual? Is this how combat and interaction usually takes place among adventuring parties? Honestly I thought it was all knights and dragons and honor and swords and whatnot. This is really, erm...an experience." He sighed, feeling a little let down. "This will be saddening to write in my diary." |
"Probably, yeah." He looked at the thief's hand, but instead of taking it, he groaned again, this time from the sylvari's comment, and threw his arm over his eyes, the other hand still clutching his leg. "A terrible experience! I'm so ashamed of us!"
|
Okay... it seems to be relatively private over there under the bridge. Goddess, I hope this stuff comes out of my hair...
Tsaerri gets closer to the water, only to notice a furtive shape skulking around the riverbank. Sorry, Mr. Skale. It's just a bad day. No hard feelings. Fanning out into enfilade formation, her three phantasms open synchronized fire on the amphibious creature, riddling it mystical bullets. "Oh Gods!" Tsae yelps, rushing ahead as she commands them to cease fire. Don't fall in the water, please, please please please please, ohrightblink. She catches the dying creature just as its tottering, crumpling form is about to tumble into the river. Great, its bleeding all over me. I don't even care at this point. With tremendous effort, she hauls its slippery carcass off to the side, ignoring its frothing gasps, strongly considering just collapsing to her knees and crying at her terrible fate here. With a resigned sigh, she sets her duelists to patrol and begins to peel off her sodden clothes. |
'We'll find our stride, eventually." Syrgei retrieves the bucket of water and empties it on a particularly nasty looking patch of grass before inverting it to use as a stool and sitting next to the elementalist.
"In the meantime...well, I'm not so sure. Grab something to drink and hope for the best?" |
Dan looked around, coming down from his bloodlust as the flames withered and died away. He looked bemusedly from person to person, somehow feeling that maybe, just maybe, he was at fault for something far worse than the oozes.
"Is um...everything okay, guys?" |
Syrgei looks at the charr, as Gambooge remains morosely unresponsive. Where do I start?
"One of the pipes burst. Tsaerri went down to the river to clean off." Let's start with the basics. |
"After completely shattering my leg!" Gambooge added, pushing himself to sit with no apparent issues. "You'd think I dumped an ooze on her head!"
|
"I don't think she really cares who it was. Hopefully no one wanders by while she's down there."
|
"Who cares about them? She's still going to be in our guild, assuming she doesn't shoot us all before we get back."
|
“We could appeal for a transfer?”
Syrgei rests his elbows casually on his knees. “So, do you have a story? Why are you in the guild?” |
Dan began to quietly pack up his turret, getting the tight apprehensive feeling in his muscles that he may perhaps be in for a thrashing. Deciding he should maybe apologize to Tsaerri, he quietly slinks away in the direction he saw her go.
Dan, do you have a death wish? No, thought Dan. He did not. The voice laughed. |
That should go well, Gamby thought as he watched Dan wander off, acting as odd as ever. He shook his head and looked at Syrgei. "Adventure, helping people, maybe a bit of gold. The usual reasons, I suppose."
|
"I suppose they are."
|
I cannot believe... scrub scrub scrub I am washing my hair... scrub scrub scrub In the river... scrub scrub "Ow!" Tangle. Scrub Publicly naked!!!
She'd managed to get the slime off her skin easily enough, but the hair was proving a nightmare. If I have to cut it off someone is actually going to die. Do we have a phantasmal hair spell? I can't remember... Not to mention the fact that her clothes were absolutely ruined. Obviously, none of them had a clue how much stuff like that cost. She hit another tangle and it really, really hurt. Quite without meaning to, Tsae started to cry, and a glance back at that awful outfit she was going to have to wear only made it worse. Sniffling, she went back to stringing out lengths of her hair and scrubbing them in the water. |
Eduardo withdrew in on himself, producing an exquisite journal and self contained writing utensil. Opening the journal, he flipped to an empty page, choosing to ignore the fact that he was writing his thoughts on a processed version of his own skin.
Dear Diary, Today I set out on my excursion with the previously mentioned guild that I will be patronizing. Results have been...mixed. We toured farmlands earlier to start the ordeal with, and were beset upon by bandits. While every person of the group brings something unique to the table, I fear their divisiveness and lack of regard for each other will be their undoing, and fear for their professionalism. Most of all, I fear for the one called 'Gambooge', as his legs have been the target of the loose siege weapon known as Tsaerri. She is a terrifying Mesmer, and I now know that they are simply not party tricks to be hired for my birthday, as I have been doing for the last ten years. I am concerned about the Charr. He never addresses me and rarely speaks to others, but every situation he comes across reminds him of something else, and throws him in to a rage. I watched him beat a man to death across the face with potatoes. It took several minutes. The man most likely deserved it, as he was attempting to burgle the farm we came across. And while they were more than adequate to dispatch the bandits we have met, their clashing and sudden feelings of morality for those they slay leaves me wondering if perhaps I have made a mistake. We are currently taking a break after dispatching some sort of creature known as an 'ooze', a jelly thing with no motives in life. The mesmer is off purging herself from the uncleanness of one, while the others lick their wounds. Or in Gambooge's case, shins. The amount of collateral damage they cause is also staggering. The charr with the PTSD symptoms carries a flamethrower of all things. I shudder to think what his lack of discretion could lead to with such a thing. I eagerly await to see what will happen when Tsaerri returns. She seems to have a spat with the economically challenged one, Syrgei. He appears to be helpful, but she rebuffs his assistance and retorts against him most violently. I am confused, but am given to suspect that it may be part of the human mating ritual. What odd creatures, designed so imperfectly they must absorb raw materials from other humans. Rather flawed design, but it cannot be helped. I just hope her feelings for attraction to this...er, specimen do not interfere with the work she has been employed for. He looked up, thinking to himself. I believe in the circumstances when one human is attempting to mate with the other, it is customary for friends and associates to bestow gifts upon them. I shall present her with a tribute to show my approval. I hope one thousand gold is an appropriate amount, I can never remember if it has enough zeroes. |
And that, it seemed, was it. The thief didn't look like he was about to say anything more, and when he twisted to see what Ed was doing, he saw the sylvari scribbling away in some book. His diary, most likely. Even Bag, Gambooge could see when he twisted around the other way, was occupied with stomping all over whatever blobs of green hadn't melted into the ground yet. "Seriously?" he muttered, standing despite how much he wanted to wallow in his misery. He couldn't very well do that when everyone else was practically doing the same. "Come on, this is ridiculous! I swear to the Gods, it's like none of you have ever been out of the city before! Between you, Mister Fire-one-arrow-and-call-it-a-day, and that trigger happy princess, I'm going to end up like Dan before the day's out! You don't put out fires, you don't dare touch oozes, and you won't even hold a conversation for more than ten seconds! I might as well go around with a sack of rocks. At least I could use them!"
|
Eduardo looked up from his diary, watching the dramatic display. He added the note "Gambooge wines. And I do not men the alcohol." to his diary before snapping it shut and standing.
"HWhat seems to be the problem, Gambooge?" |
"No," Gamby answered, spinning on his heel to point at Eduardo, "I'm not going to start on you. The problem is that we should've been off doing something interesting by now, but instead, we're struggling with these chores. Here I thought, 'Oh, we can just check for any issues, squash some oozes, loosen up before we face any centaurs'. But no, apparently I can't leave this group alone for five minutes without someone doing literally the only thing you shouldn't with oozes and getting soaked!"
|
Syrgei raises one eyebrow above the rim of his sunglasses. "Can you blame me for not being very chatty when most of what I've said so far has resulted in insults and pistols pointed in my face?" He looks over at Gambooge.
"Well, the oozes are a new one for me. Pest eradication is not my usual line of work. Dan seems capable enough with machinery. Perhaps we can fix the pipes up before we move on, and take care of some of this mess." Syrgei looks down at his feet, where green-tinted water pools around his boots. "The broken pipe has taken care of the fires." |
"Uhm. No." When Gambooge looked at the thief again, he crossed his arms. "I took care of the fires when you two were arguing. Remember that bit, and how you asked me to fix things for you?"
|
"Oh, at the farm you mean. I thought you meant..." he points behind him to the scorched areas around where the flame turret had been. "Thank you for that, by the way, though I suppose I should get you a drink at least for your trouble so far. Not going to bruise too badly, I hope?"
|
He frowned and looked where the turret had been. Oh. Right. Gambooge shrugged and shifted his weight to one side, kicking a foot in the mud. "It'll probably be awful. A drink or three wouldn't hurt, though."
|
"Next time we're in town, then." Syrgei stood up, putting his hands on his back and stretching, then surveying the damage. "So, where do we start?"
|
Dan loped towards where he thought Tsaerri might be, intent on apologizing to her. Rounding a tree, he came across her. Or more specifically, one of her phantasms. He had a split second to duck before a shot of solid butterfly-like light arced over where his head had been. He rolled, scrabbling wildly to cover as the phantasm unloaded towards him. The echoes of firefights past queued up to trigger his brain, but for the moment he suppressed them as he moved around the large rock. He attempted to shout over the gun fire, pleading for mercy.
"Turn it off turn it off turnitoffturnitofffffff!" |
Okay, maybe I'm making some progress here. I can almost get my fingers through. Um...
Her concentration is broken by the distinctive sound of one of her duelists firing at someone down the road. Oh, no. They didn't actually follow me, did they? I'll probably lose my job if I accidentally murder one of them... no matter how much I might want to. She commands it stop, but doesn't dispel the phantasm, in case there's actually a threat. Climbing out of the water, she grabs the bundle of clothes and holds them against her as she peers down the road. "Hey, um, whoever's there, you're not dead, are you? Sorry about that..." Shrugging, she unbuttons the shirt and reluctantly slides it on. It almost comes down to her knees. Very attractive... and apparently I don't have shoes either. Great, this'll go perfectly with my boots. Once I clean them.... I really should have learned the illusionary clothes spell.... |
Dan whined for a moment before he poked his head out from cover, eyes darting back and forth to look for his phantasmal assailant.
"Tsaerri? I...I'm sorry. Please do not kill me! I don't wanna die!" Meanwhile an unfortunate Eduardo approaches... Eduardo had decided to take an excursion in the direction he had seen Tsaerri walk towards. In his hand he dangled a fat sack of gold, one he knew to contain exactly one thousand gold pieces. Or more, he always had trouble remembering to stop at the correct 'zero'. He called out, letting the entire area know of his financial burdens. "Tsaerri? Are you around? I hwish to bestow upon you a small token of gold pieces. Is a thousand gold the correct amount to cover the dowry?" |
"It's fine! I won't shoot!" She dismisses the phantasm and sets about trying to clean the slime off of her boots.
And then she hears the second voice calling at her down the road. ...what? WHAT?! Fumbling to get her boots back on, she stomps back up the road to demand an explanation from the Sylvari. |
Eduardo continued on, idly swinging the bag back and forth as its contents jingled. He honestly didn't understand how human relationships worked. It seemed like such a process, and then suddenly falling in love and out of love and maybe it was just all caused by those...what were they? Ah yes, glands and stuff just pumping chemicals through them. He wondered if humans were just complicated test tubes reacting to chemical compounds being introduced to a system. It made their entire lives sound incredibly depressing.
"You are courting the one who is economically challenged, yes? I wish t-" He stopped, seeing the peasant clothes she was currently draped in. "Good human heavens, what on earth are you wearing? This is a travesty! Horrid, simply horrid! I...you look like such a...a peasant!" |
Are... are you serious? I'm not even allowed to pull a gun on this one! Skaeye, I swear, when I get back, we are going to have a serious conversation about guild contracts....
"Where have you been? You think I want to be wearing this? And what are you talking about, I'm not courting anyone." |
Eduardo widened his eyes, looking rather flustered.
"Oh! M-my apologies. I simply thought actions towards, erm...never mind then. Still, that dress is...no, I cannot abide by this! This is simply too much of a disaster and I hrefuse to have you in such...lower class clothing." With a flourish he produced a scroll of paper and raised it in to the air. It shone for a moment before it ZWIPPED! in to the air. A brief moment later a very disoriented merchant appeared with a brief flash of light, looking very confused before straightening up, looking at Eduardo with beady eyes. Eduardo cleared his throat, addressing the man as if he were hard of hearing. "This Laaaady requires your services. Apply any purchases to the Thicktree account, hwill you? Good chap." |
'Are... are you serious? Uh, okay..."
Well, if money was no object this wouldn't take long at all, it was just a matter of placing the order. She walks up to the merchant, poking him in the arm to test if he's a real person. He appears to be. "*ahem* Hello there, miss! What can the Black Lion Trading Company do for you today? As a special express customer, we're happy to provide any service great or small for your convenience. How may I help you?" Shhhhhhh don't giggle. And don't be too greedy... hmm.... "All right, I'm going to need a full set of Assassin-brand exotic light armor, six transmutation charges, six Superior Runes of the Scholar, and there's this order I've been waiting on for a while, if you could check on that, my name's Tsaerri Mir..." "Ah, yes, of course we can. I can be back with your goods in just a moment. It should come to a total of 75.61, if that's okay...?" |
Eduardo blinked, looking rather confused.
"Seventy-five...point sixty-one? Gold splits? I did not know there was a unit below that...no, no, that is ridiculous. Just round it up to an even seventy-six. Chop chop! Away to your duties, merchant man!" Hey, what's Dan up to? Dan finally slunk from cover, attempting to approach Tsaerri and Eduardo as meekly as possible. While it is hard for a Charr to look pathetic and harmless, he was doing his best to look as such. "Is um...everything okay?" |
"Luckily for you, there's almost nothing that can't be fixed by throwing limitless amounts of money at it"
Tsae glances up at Dan. "You might have almost incinerated me, and inadvertently destroyed my favorite outfit, and possibly ruined my hair forever--" Damn it! I should have gotten some conditioner. Do these things work for more than one order? "But I'll be fine. Sorry for... almost shooting you." |
Dan shrugged meekly, his reserves of social stamina beginning to drain.
"I, er, am sorry. Sometimes I blank, and don't remember what I do, and...er, as long as you're okay. I'm sorry for the hair." He turned, pausing for a moment and awkwardly catching Eduardo's eye before he took off towards the rest of the group at a high rate of speed. Eduardo? What's Ed got to say about it? "HWhat a strange person." Eduardo frowned, watching the retreating back of the Charr. "He doesn't seem to talk much, does he? Just sort of...explodes and then fades in to the background." |
Taking a glance at the Charr's surface thoughts as he stammers out an apology, Tsaerri decides she doesn't want to do that ever again.
"It's... fine...? Yeah, you just, uh... go on, then." To Eduardo, she adds after he leaves, "I think... it might be better not to ask. Just treat him like a force of nature and clean up the wreckage he leaves behind." Is 'force of nature' offensive to Sylvari? As she's pondering, the merchant returns, bearing a large, gift-wrapped box, which he hands to her. "For you, ma'am, as ordered. An ensemble of the finest Assassin armor, six charges, six runes, twenty-six of our famous Black Lion Chest Keys -- we threw in an extra one for your generous order -- and one bottle of lavender-scented Elonian oil, a gratis. "Wha-- but how did you know?" The magical salesman merely winks knowingly. "We have our ways. Taking care of our customers is our number one priority." And with that, he vanishes. "Huh, and here I thought making trillions of gold was their number one priority... anyway, if you want to vacate, Ed, I need to get changed. Then we can get going. Thanks for the charity." She almost considers hugging him, but for one thing, she's holding the package, and this is already awkward enough, she decides. |
"Well, I can hardly have you parading around like that. If hword got out that Eduardo Thicktree hwas..."
He paused, taking the time to shudder at a horrific thought. "Being frugal. Ugh, forgive me. I hate using the 'f' hword in polite company I shall leave you to your changing." He strode off, going back to rejoin the others. |
Okay, let's see... we'll just transmute these, get the runes attuned... hmm, what do I want to wear? While she's deciding, Tsaerri pours out some of the oil in her palm and works it into her hair, breathing out a sigh of relief as the tangles dissolve.
Hair's going to be a mess regardless, might as well go with something comfortable. She throws off the peasant shirt and begins to dress. Distracted by literally everything that's happened in the last hour, she doesn't hear someone approaching until it's too late. "Oh ho, what's this we have here? Pretty little girl all alone on our turf!" Tsaerri ignores the ruffian and continues dressing herself, tugging on her gloves and frowning at a chip in her nail polish. "Hey, now! I'm talking to you little one!" Like the oaf he is, he makes a clumsy grab for her. Tsaerri steps back gracefully, stealthing herself and leaving a clone behind that dissolves into butterflies as his filthy hands scrabble for it. She walks off back up the hill toward her companions. And I didn't even kill him. One point for me. |
Eduardo sauntered through the forest, moving at a slow pace to take in the views around him. He just barely missed an arrow to the face as three bandits sprung from comically unexpected hiding places, waving a crossbow under his nose.
"Alright plant, your money or your life! Give us every piece of gold you got!" Eduardo looked puzzled, frowning at the crossbow. He pushed it away slowly, sizing up the odd folk who were accosting him. "Is this...highway philosophy?" The bandits looked at each other, briefly dumbfounded before trying agian. "Your money or your life, plant!" Eduardo clapped his hands together, looking positively tickled. "Oh, a puzzle then! HWell, let's see. If I choose my life, I can always get more money, even if I hwere to give you all of it. And it is a lot. I'm rich, you know. But if I were to give you my life, I hwould have all my gold, but I hwould be dead! And I suppose if I am dead but have gold, I still cannot purchase more life. So I suppose the correct answer here is 'life', yes? Do I hwin? Did I solve the puzzle?" The bandits were stupefied. The head bandit, or at least the bandit who mattered enough to the story to have the speaking lines of the trio, tried once more. "Give us the money, or we'll trim your trunk!" "Oh!" Said Eduardo, "You want my money. Why didn't you say so?" From within his robes he produced a bloated bag of gold, handing it to the bandit. He salivated as he let the crossbow drop to his side, stretching a hand out to take it. He took the bag as Eduardo let it go, and instantly grounded himself as the impossible wait of one thousand coins drug him in a hilarious manner to the ground. Eduardo frowned, seemingly disappointed. "I say, that happens to everyone. I thought people hwere more accustomed to money around here. Is there anything else I can do for you gentlemen?" The non injured duo looked between each other, shrugging awkwardly before shooing him away. Eduardo turned to leave them, walking away as if his jaunt had not been interrupted as the bandits helped their injured friend to his feet. |
Times I do not regret being a mesmer... I really probably should have killed him. He'll just find some other poor girl to abscond with. We'll see what Syrgei thinks of that.
Coming up the path, Tsae comes upon a curious sight. Three more disheveled men struggling at a sack overflowing with gold coins. Only one person I know who carries that kind of money around... He really is naive. "Let's see..." she mutters quietly to herself. Just a tiny hallucination, some sounds from down the road, there we go! "Oh, no! The Seraph!" Sure enough, they scatter. And, again. What did that accomplish that leaving them dead on the roadside wouldn't have? They're liable to come ambush me on the way back once it wears off. For now, though.... Tsaerri places a portal entre right in front of the sack and drags it two feet forward with all her might. It takes a few tries. That accomplished, she skips up the road, blinking to the limit of her portal and placing the exeunt, thankfully not far from the rest of the group. She starts to pull the money uphill the rest of the way, an inch at a time, reminding herself with every heave that she's a better person than people give her credit for. |
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:54 AM. |
Powered by vBulletin®