There are three guys walking together, a Newfie, a Quebecer , and a Torontian. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out, "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes."

So the Newfie says "I am a fisherman, my dad's a fisherman, and his dad was a fisherman, and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish" 'POOF' the oceans were full ( of fish that is).

The Quebecer was amazed, he said "I want a wall around the province of Quebec, so nothing will get in." 'POOF' there was a wall around Quebec.

The guy from Toronto says "Tell me more about this wall."

The genie says "Well its about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out."

So the Torontian says "Fill it up with water."

because their balls brush against the grasses

- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
- You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- The mosquitoes have landing lights.
- You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
- You have 10 favourite recipes for bottled moose.
- Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
- You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
- You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
- You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
- You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
- The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for local softball scores.
- At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
- The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
- Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
- You think the start of salmon fishing season is a national holiday.
- You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
- You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
- You find -40C a little nippy.
- The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
- You can play road hockey on skates.
- You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
- The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
- You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Newfie friends.

A bear and a squirrel are walking through their forest community and they stumble upon a magic lamp under the dirt.

Now this magic lamp has been covered in dirt for years and it was glad to be saved, so since the lamp was in such a good mood, he would grant EACH of them three wishes. So he asked who wanted to go first.

Now Bear, being the eager, young creature that he was, went first.

"What do you want for your first wish"? He asked.

Bear replied, i wish, that the hot female bear that lives next to me, was crazy in love with me.

BOOM. it was done.

Sqirrel's wish was for a helmet.

"A helmet"! Said Bear?!?! "You can get anything and you want a helmet?"

Bear's next wish was for all the female bears in the forest be really hot and all like him.

BOOM it was done

Squirrel's second wish was a motercycle. Again bear was dumbfounded but carried on to his third wish.

"Actually, I want every bear in the forest to be female, hot, and really like me" said Bear.

The lamp granted the wish and...

BOOM. it was done

It was Squirrel's final wish,

"What would you like me to grant you for your final wish" the lamp asked.

After much consideration, Squirrel finaly answered.

"I wish Bear was gay"

And with that, he rode off.

I've actually been bottomless all day