Then I misparsed your previous post, apologies.

As I’ve mentioned, I don’t experience any sort of sexual attraction. I wouldn’t even be able to begin telling you about anything because it just doesn’t exist for me.

Romantic attraction is almost as absent.

Aesthetic attraction, though, that, I get.

[CENTER]
Please, dont apologize. We were conversing.

Galla has requested I respond here, so here it goes.

I'm not sure that my perspective can offer anything valuable, to be completely honest. I've been calling myself asexual since before the movement even existed as far as I know, and from the little I know of its current state, I don't feel entirely comfortable grouping myself there any longer.

I've honestly always come down on not wishing to be grouped in lbgtq personally, specifically because I've seen the kinds of abuse and oppression people of those identities have to suffer and feel like it's a disservice to hold my own negative experiences with being asexual to that same level of injustice.

Because, for me, it's never been other people bullying me or inflicting their harmful ignorance on me; it's entirely on my end, confined to my own experience: that feeling of complete alienation and dehumanization, to look around at a species that has evolved via and for this one, specific function - and a culture that has layered it with maddening rules and meanings and contexts far divorced from the gross physical fact of mating - and to realize how absolutely alone one is, to be so fundamentally, effortlessly othered by your very nature, a dead-end of evolution, a grotesque mutation that will be autoselected out of its problematic existence.

And it's something everyone else takes for granted, this implicit assumption that we're all playing the same game by the same rules, while I'm here, isolated, wondering how this is possibly all there is to life, why we're even here at all if it's just to grind our bodies into each other and suffer anxiety and self-loathing and agony and fear because we're born being told that this is the metric of a meaningful life, and then, to close the circle, in so many cases it leads to the forcing of another wretched lifeform into this abbatoir of confusion and inescapable torment we call a planet.

...I probably should have mentioned that for me, being asexual is quintessentially entangled with being an antinatalist, which is another reason why I don't feel comfortable identifying with the greater social movement. My aversion to sex goes far beyond merely being physically disgusted by it and having a touch phobia, the entire concept and the realization of its import to the lives of those around me is absolutely crucifying. It is not pleasant to realize how utterly dysfunctional one was born to be. (And that would be reason number three that I don't feel comfortable with the label, because I recognize fully the validity of the identity to other people who see it as something positive, but for myself, it is as baneful as the incurable disease that wracks my body every day).

That aside, though, in regards to the broader conversation, I honestly remain completely oblivious to any currently active "identity politics" fronted by the asexual community, I'd be curious as to what exactly you're referring to with that, Coda.

I never claimed asexuality was a choice. I'm well aware that it is not, and I would never dream of claiming otherwise -- it would be quite hypocritical of me to do so, given my own fluid identity (which I know we've talked about). It is, however, a lifestyle, inasmuch as it by its nature creates a difference in the way you live your life as compared to the way other people live theirs. That's not meant to be dismissive or denigrating whatsoever. (This is a noteworthy difference from most other identities under the queer umbrella, where there really aren't any meaningful inherent lifestyle differences -- differences in the identity of one's partner has a negligible impact, while not having a partner at all does impose a rather significant difference.)

To be honest, Suze's experience is more or less what my own experience (both personal and observed) says is (or at least was) the typical case. The antinatalist part isn't necessarily widespread, but the sense of not fitting in with a society designed around the idea of romantic partnership is very much a common theme. And your sense that it's not really bullying or harmful ignorance lines up with what I expected to hear. There's (historically) not widespread prejudice against asexual people, just an overall lack of understanding.

I'm NOT aware of any identity politics fronted by the asexual community in particular. Most ace people I've met really just don't try to make a big deal of it. However, the queer community has drawn in the asexual identity under its umbrella, so ace gets included in anything queer-related by association, for better or for worse. And so I've seen "anti-SJW" zealots unleash their ugliness on people who they would have otherwise left alone -- or possibly even supported, absent that association.

For the record, it is possible to induce bullying if a 14-year-old tells other teenagers they're too smart to have sex. Of course a hint of snobbery never sits well with the monkeys, especially at a time where asexuality didn't even exist (in the minds of the public, that is). There was asexual reproduction in biology class, which concentrated on the fact one cell split itself into two, and the workbook very much confirmed humans were a sexual species. So, there.

Back then I was that innocent kiddo who would still rather invite friends over to build Lego castles and watch cartoons. Lumped together with a horde of hormone driven wannabe adults prone to catching "the stupid" (as observed whenever one of these other teenagers got a crush on someone, then started acting all weird). Someone once coined the term An Anthropologist on Mars for Temple Grandin, which pretty much sums up how I felt during high school. I meticulously studied the average teenager from a distance to prepare myself for the time hormones would hit me as well. It just never happened; not the way it did for them.

Had I known the term asexual during those years, I might have felt... well, not at home, but maybe at a cool uncle's place who will allow me to nap on their couch every once in a while.

Nah, Martian, you don't need to feel bad about it. Everything we're discussing here is entirely personal. One person's experience doesn't involve passing judgment on anyone else's.

Galla, I'm sorry if it seems like your experiences are being dismissed. That wasn't my intent at all, and I tried to point out that I know that it does happen, but that it's not broadly visible. Unfortunately, you've only really alluded to the fact that you've had experiences, and I really can't respond to that in any specific way. I have no intent to pry into your personal experience here, and you can share or withhold whatever you see fit.

I also didn't mean to imply that it's only identity politics at play. I was only trying to say that, in my lifetime, the rise of identity politics has appeared to have resulted in a shift towards the negative -- not that it started out as sunshine and rainbows, but that it seems worse now than it did then. I certainly understand that there are other issues out there and I tried to touch on the things I know of. I know there's bias and ignorance and neglect and misunderstanding; there always has been. What I haven't seen before the 2010s is malice, at least if you disregard the teenage tendency to deride anyone that deviates from the norm. (And I disregard that because it's equal-opportunity discrimination, not specifically targeted at any particular group. Most teens grow out of those kinds of juvenile attacks.)

I also didn't mean to imply that identity politics is directly the motivating factor in ace-related discrimination. What I feel identity politics has done is draw attention. And now that "ace" is a thing, people are at some level compelled to form an opinion about it. It's just part of human nature to decide what one thinks about something once a label has been applied.

So again, I extend my heartfelt apologies to anyone that feels like I've been dismissive of their experiences. I feel that I've done a poor job of explaining my thoughts on the matter, and that people have walked away thinking that I hold beliefs that I really don't.

shrugs and gestures in an extremely vague manner bc i don't exactly know how to respond to this.

in other news, i'm never certain if i'm being annoying or not. like, how long can i go on talking abt my character or abt a fixation before i get told to pack it in bc i'm annoying people, y'know?

unsure if this thought comes from being bullied in secondary or treated as a weird kid in primary.

Not a weirdo. Actually potentially closer to the “norm”. People have different feelings and views of things. Nothing to be ashamed about.

:D *raises hand* I'd just like to say, I am super aesthetically attracted to Espy's vampire Avi! >w>; and I want to throw a little vampire party for them with like, bats and cake and I dunno, velvet wine glasses? x}

Asexuality as I've researched it is something that seems to fit with me. :] Much like other folks I just never got why everyone was having feelings for boys and girls as they matured and went through puberty. :/ It's not like something is wrong with me libido-wise or I don't get aroused or anything. I can say I do. :[ I just can't understand what's attractive about people..and it always sorta made me feel like some freak anomaly without the knowledge of who is hot and who is not. :[ It never seemed important to me to know either. I figured people got to know each other first and then became attracted, like I did. I think I'm more Demisexual, but I'm still Ace as it's under the umbrella. :] I dunno, I go back and forth. <x/ It's not something I can help or force. :] I think I get Asexuals more than I get Heterosexuals when they speak about crushes. I only ever faked crushes growing up. <u<; Just so people moved past me.
I didn't even realize asexuality until I couldn't figure out why I wasn't happy with hugging, cuddling and kissing my ex bf. :[ Even after knowing him for 2 years. I tried to feel something sexual but I realized I was faking it to make him happy and that wasn't really good of me. <n>;
Most aces I've talked to or met typically mention the feeling of being broken. :[ Like I'm broken and everyone else is at least working. And why am I broken, how can I get fixed? <:} I'm just glad I have had better experiences with ace communities with similar experiences and have comfort for one another.
I'm a hugger and a cuddler, but in small doses here and there. x}
I'm a great kisser but I don't feel comfortable with it. >:/
And I'm not sex repulsed when it comes to fiction as much as I am more repulsed irl. o_o; Sex just no. Just no. It's not necessary for me and my life. xD Soory.
But I respect if anyone likes it tho. :} It just sounds really overrated to me is all. x] I'd rather share stories and pictures with the person I love. ^w^ In a way, it's kinda cute? <x]
Anyway, Just wanted ta share. I'mma leave now.
>:D You're awesome Espy!~

Fun fact, my avi isn’t necessarily a vampire.

Please stay. There's no need to feel ashamed for any sexual preference as long as everyone involved consents to the activity.

I agree with you, sex can be so much more than mindlessly rubbing bodies together. For example I love double entendres, dirty jokes, and the suspense of a great flirt. Other people might enjoy the sensation of a gentle touch, voices hoarse from arousal, or the smell of a loved one's hair. And even if we dismiss all this as not being part of "the actual act", there's still enough variation for many people to find pleasure.

Sometimes I wonder why the same types of discussions never arise about licorice. There are folks who almost puke at the thought, others who exclusively buy licorice sweets... and most people fall somewhere inbetween. They enjoy licorice when they have it, but don't dedicate their entire life towards one single type of candy. Yet I have never seen anyone dictate "You must want Sour Patch Kids, or else you're not normal".

In my opinion both sexual attraction and lack thereof is merely another way in which other people's preferences can vary from one's own. Yet somehow certain hateful individuals always pull that particular card from their pockets to spew intolerance. Society is weird.

Awhh, <x{ Well...mayhaps a dark warrior. :] A knight of the night/hellfire? Either way, it's a pleasing aesthetic. >:3

Quite the opposite.

In fact, even the feeling of shame is a bizarre evolutionary quirk that just complicates our lives. Because, as a species, our adaptation of conscious identity and feeling of personal agency has added immense overhead and baggage to the process of life. Because that is what life is, a process for facilitating continual gene mutation to better survive a changing environment via sheer brute force numbers. Except, we evolved this idea of being people, of being more than that, of mattering to ourselves, each other, and society, in some intrinsic and holy way that escapes the shackles of nature.

Except that isn't true, our entire civilization is organized around the exact same behavior as any species that doesn't suffer from concepts like self-doubt, anxiety, shame, paranoia, and dread of their own mortality. Our development of minds that think this way has become of prison of paradoxes we've built ourselves into, where we have this in-built need to be more than merely natural (see: religion and the invention of the soul), but we've cleverly structured society to dress up the fact that we're nothing but mating machines with a myriad of different games and rules and rituals to try and distract from how utterly nihilistic our situation is.

So, unless being normal is something to be ashamed of, I'm not sure why there would be any cause for shame. For me, it has never at all been that being born this way had lead to a perspective of superiority or higher purpose (asexual elitism is a very strange concept to me), and I personally don't find sexual jokes, references, stories, etc to be disgusting but rather extremely depressing and exhausting in the way an introvert finds loud groups of excited people the same.

Instead, it's just an aberrant void in my personality that can't ever really be filled by a substitute because nothing else on earth is that essential to the human experience. It's not that I want anyone else to be like me, far from it, I just wish that I wasn't here, had never been born, and that no one else would ever be born so there wouldn't even be the chance of someone ending up like me ever again.

But, as I said before, to my understanding, this isn't at all the typical experience of being an asexual. My personal asexuality is an accursed mix of natural disinclination/lack of need along with a set of philosophies that cause an immense amount of potentially unnecessary pain in my life, but, all the king's horses and such on that front.

My feelings towards licorice are approximately the same as my feelings towards the physical act of sex.

...which is to say, I want no part in either.

However, I can appreciate the aesthetics and surrounding feelings of both. I will buy licorice candies for my friends (and question their life choices); I'll lament the fact that my taste buds cannot tolerate licorice, just as I'll crack innuendos, draw smut (I will actually draw smut for you if you pay me enough), and talk sexuality with you.

Taste buds and libidos. Everyone's got different shit, man.

EDIT: also, licorice is fucking repulsive and tastes like candied grass.

I'd actually rather eat grass

Oh good, someone gets me.

...maybe you just haven't had good licorice yet
sorry, could not resist

But yeah, everyone differs - and that's what makes the world so exciting. Just think about it, if all of Trisphee were made up by an army of my clones...

I was gonna say I wouldn't mind if trisphee had only mdom's made of rainbows, but I'd miss one or two avatar makers

Like... Rainbowfox Ari? ^^

-waggles eyebrow-

*sips vegetables instead of licorice* >3>;

Also, omg, <xD my dad-fish is so musical haha! I'm loving his guitar covers! I'm just sorry I can't show them online here because all his videos are private. :] For family only I guess.
Maybe I'll change his mind and have him post a public cover video one day. ^-^

gestures.

also, current mood is really fucking despising the corpus' spy missions in warframe.

I was thinking about Pocahontas and I wanted to watch Pinocchio.
That was the moment my brain stupidly make me laugh while I was drinking water and nearly choked...
>U<; It said...

"Pocahnoccio."

It really shouldn't be that hard for me to find game partners, yet here I am. :^)

i mean, depending on what game it is, i can probably partner up with you.

I've been wanting to do more of the Rimworld multiplayer mod but I don't know anyone else that plays it. I'm down for anything really, I'm just sick of single player stuff lol.

W...why. Those are the easiest.

Same. ;U; But all I got is a Ps4 and a 3Ds, and not as many games for them so...

they're harder than the grineer spy missions???

I forgot to click to the last page and posted something non-sequitur as a result. Shame.

can relate to that sometimes.

currently procrastinating. need to go home in 30 minutes.

I am having difficulty navigating the site on my phone haha.

I am stuck at work for another 2 hours and then I get to go see if we passed inspection and can turn the electricity on at our house

on another vent, discord's new light theme is horrifyingly bad, to the point where i made a thread about it in support / suggestions.

at least fifteen people agree with me.

i unironically use light theme and refuse to go to dark theme.

Light theme makes my head hurt when I used discord at night, so I am team dark theme.

I call BS, IMO the difficulty of spy vaults goes
Normal Corpus < Grineer < Uranus Grineer < Jupiter Corpus