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-   -   Words that Won't Flow (http://www.trisphee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=6548)

DarkForbidden-Love 10-28-2011 04:48 PM

Yeah, the bad thing is I just noticed you. *Bangs head into wall* I keep missing people comments and then I go back and see that someone posted. My fault~

Demon's Song


The End

Pinkie 10-30-2011 01:31 PM

Very interesting I like

DarkForbidden-Love 10-30-2011 04:41 PM

Much thanks, Pantzer, :)

DarkForbidden-Love 10-30-2011 08:54 PM

Forget


Blood



And I have absolutly no exuse for this one:

Blood Roses

DarkForbidden-Love 11-12-2011 07:58 PM

Murder


One of my more interesting poems written in a style I don't often do.


Fear

Suzerain of Sheol 11-12-2011 09:41 PM

Just a small note: "spectra" is plural. It doesn't work right the way you're using it in "Murder". Either cut the "A" at the beginning of the line or change it to "spectrum". I think I'd personally go with the former.

DarkForbidden-Love 11-12-2011 11:24 PM

I knew something was wrong, could not figure out what. Thanks Suzerain. ;)

Quiet Man Cometh 11-14-2011 12:21 AM

Personally, I think the last two poems are better than what you have so far but that might be my personal taste coming in. Maybe they are just more to my liking. They feel less repetative and a little more intruiging.

DarkForbidden-Love 11-14-2011 09:37 PM

Thanks Quiet. I'm not to particularly fond of them but they are far from my least favorites.


Streets

DarkForbidden-Love 11-17-2011 06:11 PM

{Untiltled}


Since most people won't get this imediatly it is written from the prospective of a abuser to their victim. It was a project for class we had to write a piece, whether in prose or poetry, about abuse. I am not privay to an abusers thoughts so I wrote my own ideas down, there is no science behind them and cannot be considered fact.


And now one that is actually rather upbeat:

Music


And yet a third:

Gone




And I'm not sure what this last thing even is...It might be a poem, it might be a song, or it might be a piece of prose. Or maybe all three.

Forever

DarkForbidden-Love 11-28-2011 09:51 PM

Let Go


Give Up

Lost_Ninja9213 12-07-2011 08:26 PM

I personally like them, especially the fire one...as some people have said, there were minor spelling errors and a bit cliche rhetoric, but still cool. i can tell you're getting better though :)

DarkForbidden-Love 12-07-2011 09:55 PM

Thanks, Ninja. I'm trying to get better and fix everything but it is still all a work in progress.

Oh, and by the way, I got another:
Street Urchins

DarkForbidden-Love 01-02-2012 02:37 AM

Updating after a long haitus. Both were originally supposed to be soemthing a bit different but apparently the New Year makes me depressed.

Warning a bit of language in "Human"

Human


War Spoils

Quiet Man Cometh 01-02-2012 04:30 AM

I'm intruiged by "War Spoils" though I think you have some spell checker errors there, "out" instead of "our."

I like the game reference but to call them chips and then refer to a chess game is a little off. "Chips" make me think poker and gambling, but chess doesn't use them.

DarkForbidden-Love 01-02-2012 08:12 PM

I changed the 'out' to 'our' I don't know how that was missed.


And the 'chips' is because it was originally
" Now our lives are chips,
And this is poker,
The one with the best mask wins."

I didn't like it so I changed the game to chess, but I used pawns in the last line and did not wish to repeat myself. I do suppose I could use 'pieces' though...


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