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Yeah, the bad thing is I just noticed you. *Bangs head into wall* I keep missing people comments and then I go back and see that someone posted. My fault~
Demon's Song The End |
Very interesting I like
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Much thanks, Pantzer, :)
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Forget
Blood And I have absolutly no exuse for this one: Blood Roses |
Murder
One of my more interesting poems written in a style I don't often do. Fear |
Just a small note: "spectra" is plural. It doesn't work right the way you're using it in "Murder". Either cut the "A" at the beginning of the line or change it to "spectrum". I think I'd personally go with the former.
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I knew something was wrong, could not figure out what. Thanks Suzerain. ;)
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Personally, I think the last two poems are better than what you have so far but that might be my personal taste coming in. Maybe they are just more to my liking. They feel less repetative and a little more intruiging.
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Thanks Quiet. I'm not to particularly fond of them but they are far from my least favorites.
Streets |
{Untiltled}
Since most people won't get this imediatly it is written from the prospective of a abuser to their victim. It was a project for class we had to write a piece, whether in prose or poetry, about abuse. I am not privay to an abusers thoughts so I wrote my own ideas down, there is no science behind them and cannot be considered fact. And now one that is actually rather upbeat: Music And yet a third: Gone And I'm not sure what this last thing even is...It might be a poem, it might be a song, or it might be a piece of prose. Or maybe all three. Forever |
Let Go
Give Up |
I personally like them, especially the fire one...as some people have said, there were minor spelling errors and a bit cliche rhetoric, but still cool. i can tell you're getting better though :)
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Thanks, Ninja. I'm trying to get better and fix everything but it is still all a work in progress.
Oh, and by the way, I got another: Street Urchins |
Updating after a long haitus. Both were originally supposed to be soemthing a bit different but apparently the New Year makes me depressed.
Warning a bit of language in "Human" Human War Spoils |
I'm intruiged by "War Spoils" though I think you have some spell checker errors there, "out" instead of "our."
I like the game reference but to call them chips and then refer to a chess game is a little off. "Chips" make me think poker and gambling, but chess doesn't use them. |
I changed the 'out' to 'our' I don't know how that was missed.
And the 'chips' is because it was originally " Now our lives are chips, And this is poker, The one with the best mask wins." I didn't like it so I changed the game to chess, but I used pawns in the last line and did not wish to repeat myself. I do suppose I could use 'pieces' though... |
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