Could be you! A shy red panda but secretly... a badass metal singer.

So, my voice is actually really flat and has a pretty narrow range (about a C3, B2 if I push it, to a C5 — used to be able to hit an E5). I could potentially learn how to do a metal growl, on account of the pitch of my voice and how hoarse it naturally is, but without proper techniques, that could damage my vocal cords even further. (My theory as to why my voice is a bit janky is that my larynx and trachea were mildly damaged when I had heart surgery as an infant due to prolonged usage of a feeding tube.)

Nooo D:
At least you already have a tragic backstory

...-exasperated eyeroll-

watch me wake up dead stabbed by a USB tomorrow

The bluntness of a USB make it extremely difficult to be used as a stabbing weapon.

...However, this “sword” is capable of shooting a beam of electrical energy (?), so electrocution and incineration are definitely options.

AND RUIN MY OUTFIT?
Please, a death that shows off my look

...Broken neck?

That is acceptable!
Also a quick death

If you throw her off a building, she'll achieve that super awkward posing that is used in editorial modeling. Which would be perfect for showing off the outfit.

Not necessarily. Depending on the height of the building, things could... go splat.

We need a physics expert in this evildoers meeting

There’s a pretty famous photo out there of a lady who jumped from a very high building and landed on a car. The car was dented really bad by the impact, but due to the angle at which she fell, her body was picturesque. When paramedics tried to pick her up, though, her body basically disintegrated.

I remember there being a Marc Jacobs ad, or maybe a different designer, that had a photo which was obviously inspired by that one. It was rather weird to see it used that way.

Probably beautiful, yes, but also unnervingly morbid, when you think about it.

Yeah, Alexander McQueen is a designer who excelled at making beautiful yet morbid designs. He was one of my favorites.

Just an example since you're probably unfamiliar: https://i.imgur.com/nEXvC0M.jpg But also there were things like gowns made out of microscope slides painted red.

The name sounds familiar. I may have looked through some of his stuff, but i don’t remember anything specific.

Hello. I was doing freelance work and one sentence was supposed to be 'housekeeping had good taste' but it was translated as 'housekeeping tasted good'. So tempted to not correct

Maybe it depends on the context. Like if it was Arnold Schwarzenegger's memoir it would be correct.

...When was the last time you ate?

No, it's all hotel reviews.

I'm not hungry! The AI maybe was

Well don't leave it hanging. Feed it a housekeeper.

No! Bad AI. Must learn that we don't eat housekeepers
Only guests

The AI would be able to target the guests that leave bad reviews.

If only it could translate better. I can see I'll have work for a few years still.

The ones that were wrong will just be data for learning until it eventually gets it right.

It'll take a while to get it right
til it stops eating people

It just needs to eat the right people. How else will it survive?

-bzzts in consternation at AIs eating people-

It's an effective method for eliminating bad reviewers.

of course TV head would never do that

CRT also doesn’t have an actual mouth.

Just use some sort of proxy machine that is capable and experience the joy of eating humans that way. Like an industrial shredder with a Wi-Fi feature.

Your evil mind never ceases to amaze me

I mean, how can you not get hungry after seeing videos of them even munching on inanimate objects.

I'm not sure you mean humans munching on inanimate objects or paper shredders munching

Why not both? It can be performance art. Human munches on plastic bottles. Machine then munches on human. It can be some sort of symbolism about society.

Beautiful. Sounds like the sort of thing conservatives would hate, so I'd pay to see it

But what if the meaning gets twisted in their favor?