I'll feel bad regardless.

And I know I do but the key to using that number would be knowing where my phone is. And shut your face, you are important. I've just been caught up in my own BS.

Then it's set. I gotta find the set and you're getting a key. ;] <33 It'd be sexy. DEMAND PICS.

I know right? I was half asleep when I heard them talking and then Sarah confirms it, I just about started bawling when she told me that. Took a few shots and smoked a few cigs so I didn't but. It's, weird. Having her behave like... well, my mother. I've always loved her like I do my entire family but, I feel... I dunno. For the first time in all of my years I feel like... I dunno. It's really hard to describe. I know it's because my sister moved out and my sis is very vocal about shit and would constantly talk about how her friends parents treated them and fight my parents on stuff and I think she's finally realizing... I dunno, that maybe I'm not the scum of the earth. It's... I'm scared to believe it just in case it's just this weird little fling she's on. But I'm grateful, I really am. Admitted, she forgot when my birthday was and is going to Finland on her own but I understand why, she wants to see her mom. That's fine.

I'm mainly worried about my physical health. I still haven't been able to make them understand my eating issues. Last time I lived with them I didn't eat for weeks at a time. I'm worried about going back to that. Because I got used to not eating and even now I'll just... not eat sometimes because I'm used to not being fed. Especially since they're on a specific type of health kick filled with food I can't consume without getting really sick.

I'm def. greatfull tho' that I won't have to pay rent for a year and that my mom is really pushing for school so she'll help pay for it. It'll be... nice to know I don't have thousands of dollars of bills to pay, that's been hard especially since no place I've applied to will hire me. But I know when I move in it'll be pretty much the same way it was. I'm just praying my mom'll help fight my dad on a bunch of shit. I can't handle it otherwise. If it goes back to the way it was as a kid I can see myself getting into some super bad habits again that I have been trying so hard to fight my way away from.

Meh, I've been on a little fast myself. I need to get back to the way I was eating before, as in, no junk what so ever, and very little if anything at all. I've noticed my lack of self control lately [imho, everyone else says I'm not even getting 100 calories a day anymore, but my brain says differently. Stupid thing.] I haven't eaten a single thing at all today, and don't plan on it.

So hearing you say that really pisses me off, and, they better feed you. Because otherwise, I'm going to kick someones ass. And how the hell could she forget her own daughters birthday? -le sigh- I just hope things are better this time around for you, AND for them. The relationship there needs to be worked on bigtime, and, I know you're willing to work on it, lets just keep fingers crossed that they are, too.

You're not scum, you're probably one of the most amazing people I've met in my life, and trust me, if you're still around, thats a good sign. xDD; I tend to drop people like flies, especially when they kind of wander off. But with you, and a few others, its like you never even left. I just worry I won't be able to talk to you as much when you move back, and that would SUCK. xDD;

But its great that you'll be getting back into school, and not having to worry about rent. I know that was one of the things that was bringing you down the most.

Sorry it took so long to respond but me and Sarah got into a huge convo about Jon and way too many tears. I'll edit this post in a bit with a response once we're done talking.

edit ; Yes on stupid brain. -gentles flick on the forehead- Just match up the math to how much work you do during the day to what to eat and you'll be more okay.

Haha, I hope so too. ^^;; Especially since even if you don't eat for weeks your body gathers fat and I'm not smoking anymore so I can't burn any off. So either I end up a skeleton or fatter because my body's clinging to what it can maybe eat out of my own body. I don't even have Sarah anymore, it's the only reason I ate in months was 'cause she would bring my sis home and pick up whatever she could on the way, but she'll be living in a dif. city than me. I'm scared. And my parents gen. don't remember my birthday. I haven't had a b-day party in 10+years.

-loves on you much- I hope so too. I really need some support right now, and it's hard enough for me to admit to needing help so. I hope my mom can be strong and prevent my dad from throwing me to the curb.

That... almost made me cry. Just. You are so phenomenal and are still fighting against all of the BS that fights in your head and you think I'M worth something? I'm. Thank you luv. Really thank you. It makes me feel like I've got some self worth going on. And that is a true sign, like with my friend from pre-k in Finland, every summer I go back it's like I never left. Lord I love you death and I talk about you all the time.

I just hope it won't be as bad as when I lived there. I need help not hatred. So. -crosses fingers- And yeah you're spot on with that, money has scared me since I was a kid. It doesn't help that my parents keep telling me about how much in debt they are and that they borrow what little money I have to pay their bills. So. Heh. It's gonna be a god damn long year.

-Sees a lot of text and falls over.-

Good god what the hell did I miss? It's freaking long ass posts like there is some kind of posting contest. I can't even focus to raed all of the things.

Me and Batty were just talking about stuff that's going. Required a lot of text to get through.

Gotcha.

-Hides amongst her puzzle.-

xD; All day, and not one post.

FOR SHAME ON YOU ALL.

Batty; I was away for two nights drinking.
>_< I couldn't be here and with my friends.

Drinking, huh?

Sounds like fun. All I've had in the last.. errr... since my birthday was a few spiked teas.

OH NO WAIT. And a quarter of a bottle of rum in one swig.

>_< Tuesday I had a Mucho sized and a regular sized mudslide at Applebee's. Then last night (same place) I had a mucho White Peach Sangria and a regular mudslide.

You like applebees, dont you? xDD;

And harlotbby loves her Chilli's. -giggles-

Omg, both of those sound so good right now -drool-

-pounces Ulti, hugging tightly-

PEOPLE! LIVE PEOPLE!

-hugs Batty back- Hehe, yes I am a people >w<

Batty; What can I say, the booze drinks are yummy.

I haven't been on at ALL today.
i feel horrible. xDD;

Batty not be posting as much anymore. THIS NEEDS TO BE REMEDIED.