You saw him falling like lightning
A lion in the womb
Torn black crevice splitting like the sun
Creating Hell from nothing
The fear of being born

As the sense of Christ shoots surging through veins
Misunderstood muse burning like a sorceress
A sexual climax from being crucified
Random atoms combining to whine about life

That tiny bastard on the mortuary slab
Divine doll wrought from cancer and clay
Choking on the light of an embolizing star
Choking on the rope of a childhood fetish
Afraid it'll die and go to Heaven

Afraid

There had to be someone to invent suicide
The first mind crushed by the weight of the sky
The cosmic second that Eve got pregnant

And why would God care about dead children?
Bodies slapped together like sand castles
Souls a patchwork of natalizing memes
Don't even give it a thought
Keep pumping them out
Plenty of room for more graves

We could make a ladder out of broken spines
Climb over one last generation's pointless pain
And with seven billion hands as one lift him from the fucking cross

But that would be expecting morality from animals

So we'll chain him in the basement
Beat him with a Bible
Tell him he's the Devil
Rape his wounds and rape each other
For however many thousand years it takes
For however many spiritually fulfilling romantic bonds we have to fake

Until God comes up with a better idea

a gentle soul obsessed with genocide

the old thoughts of a dying artist
ideas wasted on crumpled canvas
fragments of the self scattered in droplets
on filthy floors and withered skin
like brain blood from an autocide
a mind that understood nothing
drying
no longer a beloved friend
just a garbage heap of DNA
acids with complicated names
apophenia in grieving minds
the narcissistic fantasy of not being alone

something is wrong with this person
but that is a simplification

this newborn bastard twitching to life
surviving abortion like a true Messiah
miraculously unwanted
an Adam Kadmon fat with tumors
leaking gasoline and afterbith from every pore
auto-immolating like a star
an immoral creation for all the wrong reasons
the schizophrenic savior of existence-addicts
wailing out the words of a new religion
suicidal mothers hung like saints at Golgotha

a genocidal soul with a heart of water

persons are constituent occurrence and nothing more
the effigy of experience created by myopia
self-obsessed pareidolia lending meaning to the movement of atoms
nymphomania a symptom of being too in touch with one's nature

an artificial God made entirely of paper clips
genetically selecting the worst possible angels
dangling a noose like a carrot on a stick

something is wrong with this mind

humanity reduced to a pile of abstractions
lumps of meaning like mirages to a blind cosmos
the social being entwined with rules for sex and sadness
a puppet on a shabby cross
the lonely consciousness far too aware of its pain
a dead dog on the side of the road
the survival monster willing to murder for a meal
an unremarkable atrocity
patterns on the wall of the cave
sequences of circular thoughts
the divine and inherent beauty of life
the screaming agony of a beaten child
the feeling of wet grass on bare feet
the feeling of being raped for the twelfth time
a tattoo of Jesus
a song that smells like rain
turquoise
your best friend
the number six

just ideas in a stupid brain

sick and worried soul upon the precipice
delirious in the decision
to take the step
shed the scabs and scars
lie back wet and weeping
fertile and bleating
like a lamb spiked to a cross
awaiting

shards of the shattered mirror
descent of a graceless stranger
fingers stroking the face
slipping inside the brain
massaging blood from the ego
and narcissist tears
easing into the dislocation
kissing the dissociation
mating and suffocating

a coalesence
coal and essence
alchemy
blasphemy

imagine
how much worse
it could be

and has been

and will be

and stop your fucking crying
stop your fucking heart from beating

this embrace
this entrance
this embolism
this end

like a string of light trapped in an accretion disk

like a sobbing child force-fed knowledge and sin

like an emergence from the id into Hell

antibirth

torus and topos
the self as a skein of spinal filament
unraveling in the expansion
revealed to the cosmos
dimethyltryptatic agonist catalyst
Jung erotically dying in an umbilical noose
catalepsy mid-rape
revelations and seizures
chromosomes spelling out the name of God again and again

pineal Phineas in the liminal position
absolved by negative justice before a silent Akashic court
as the map spins friction fires in a shallow grave

child to the void
born braindead and inverse
an escapist messiah unaware of the irony
deaf to the sound of its own screams
numb to the pain of its nature
the idea of its being torn into the redshift
every violation a collapsing wave of warped coherence

all and one
a marioneffigy built from broken reflections
the silhouette of this abominable rite
orgasmic and suicidal
detonating with meaning
this vestigial Devil of psilocybic ambitions
existing in spite of what everyone wanted

open your eyes
bent and wrecked on the nacreous floor
bloated with depressive aferbirth
alone with your victim-chic
and a time-lapse of abusive delusion
why would you ever think yourself a soul worth saving?

an autochthonous infection of one's sense of purpose
the split-brain shadow of a dead twin from another universe
your name written in the genes of the blood you left on the mirror
idiocy and loss of dignity

there's no such thing as stigmatic stress disorder
the platocracy was never anything but a messy metaphor
the sun won't stop rising in your pathetic lifetime

and the lamb didn't even know why you killed it