Well, you know how computers have a cd tray? Put a cd inside you with an robot program iso!!!


What's the fastest way to cross a river?

You throw enough stones into a river that read "Faith Hope Love", that river will definitely become cross.

How do I ride a bike to school?

put it on the hood of a car. Preferably a big one.
Pad it. Then you give it a ride to the school.


How can I tell how old is the earth?

Take a handful of dirt and taste it. If it's sour, then the earth is likely expired, and you'll need to throw it away and buy a fresh one.

How do I get my dog to stop pooping places?

Well, now that's very easy!! Duct tape its bum!! HAAAA, take that atheists


How do I memorize my own cell phone number?

You'll never forget your cellphone number if it's tattooed to your hand! xD

What's the best way to send a million dollars to my friend?

Obviously in quarters. Each quarter taped to a carrier pigeon. Have you ever heard about a pigeon in jail??? But mail carriers... or being robbed in person... The bank...


How can I focus enough to read a full book next week?

Bring your friends over, maybe they will help you read.

How can I be less lazy?

Blink a bunch. Only lazy people keep their eyes open all the time. They're too lazy to blink.

Where can I hide from all the salespeople?

with the cashiers. Have you ever seen them selling something to a cashier


How do I wake up early tomorrow?

Tomorrow begins at midnight, so, go to sleep and wake up at midnight! You'll be earlier than anyone else.

What do I do if I'm at a wedding?

Do the chicken dance.

How do I stop myself from getting carpal tunnel syndrome?

Get carpal tunnel syndrome and then perform a banishing ritual with butter and holy oils to get rid of it and that's how you stop yourself from getting it.

Where can I get some pizza without crust?

from the shark.

how do i get a milkshake to not be spoiled?

Raise your milkshake with much care and discipline, and teach it humility from ice-cream-hood. And don't lavish the milkshake with too much rewarding material wealth and goodies. No means no. And don't give into tantrums.

How do I make cereal properly?

You just pour the cereal into a bowl. No milk. Eat it dry. Or put it in the toaster.

How do I use a toaster?

You put something in it to test it, like chips, and then turn the knob all the way on. When you pull the lever, it'll start toasting something, but you have to make sure it's plugged into a very oily and grimy socket, so it can toast evenly.

Who can I ask to help with my homework?

Google.

how do i write?

Use the Dictation feature on Word and you'll never have to write. x} You speak and it just writes what it thinks you're saying, it's awesome!

Where can I get chicken for dinner?

From a cow.

How do I remove boob?

Use boob poison. :]

How do I keep from spending so much of my money?

Get someone else to spend your money.

How do I tell my cats they're loved?

:} Bark at them. They might get the message if you say it in dog language.

x} How to I hide a fart?

Say that someone else did it.

How do I git gud at math?

>:] Go to a witch or a sorcerer for help. There's a reason why someone is called a math wizard. Because they use magic!

How can I let my girlfriend know I love her? x}

neat, you have a girlfriend.

i'd say to propose to her.

how do i EXTERMINATE all the damn flies?

xD I don't irl hehe, but that's a great way to let her know!

You're going to need to purchase a dozen bats on the dark net. :] They'll get rid of all those pesky flies for you!

What do I do with all these muffins if I can't eat them all?

give them to your girlfriend. just ship 'em right over.

how do i earn more aurum?

Pray to the aurum gods to make more aurum. And also try sleeping with a gold nugget under your pillow!

How can I control my lizard's urge to bite everyone?

Make it bite the Queen of England instead.

How do I do the arty thing?

Go outdoors and run until you get tired. :] While you're having a bad time, you'll want to do the arty thing.

How do I stop eating cheese? =~=;

get lactose intolerance.

how do i stop requiring caffeine to function?

Ditch Caffeine Rely on Cocaine to function instead. XD

How do I keep pervy ghosts from licking my toes? o_o

Make a pact with a Dream Demon. :] He will gladly put you to sleep whenever you like, in order to get you to dream. Watch out though, not all of the dreams are nice. And don't mistake a Dream Demon for a Dreamy Demon.


How do I stop myself from laughing too hard?

become so emotionally constipated that you can't laugh at all.

how do i do math?

Easy. You don't math. You just don't. Don't ever math again. Make others math for you. Never math alone. Just don't do it. :] Math is bad for your brain.

Where should I hide all my questionable music?

We both know the answer I'd give here. <:)

How do I stop spawning skeletons?

Surround yourself with large semi-vicious hungry dogs. The dogs will attack the skeletons and eat their bones, so even if they do spawn you never have to see them long.

What should I tell my boss to get her to let me go home early?

Tell her that you have to get home early in order to keep working for her, and give her an ultimatum. It's either that, or SHE doesn't get to go home...EVER. <x'} (oh wow, I didn't mean for that to sound so much like murder hehehe.)

How do I get all my homework done for tomorrow?