Granted! Unfortunately they always manage to get stolen off the truck right before they're delivered and since they're no longer in the mail, you don't know where they are.

I wish I could stay motivated to finish my craft projects.

Granted, but they slowly evaporate after being completed screaming "You did this to me!" on loop.

I wish my dogs wouldn't bark and howl at every dog they see when inside the house.

Granted, but now they bark at every single door opening and closing.

:c I wish I could have been in Lord of the Rings as an extra...

granted but you are uncredited, you had to give up your union rights and they cut your scene


i wish i didn't feel so old and creaky when i gardened

(nooooo! xD eh, it's Hollywood.)
Granted, but now you make old and creaky noises with each movement of your joints.

I wish I could turn my skin into diamond as a defense mechanism.

Granted, but you can't move.

I wish that Tabby was here.

Granted, but now you’re lazy and never get anything done
I wish I had some awesome superpowers!

Granted, now you have the superpower to summoning hordes of monkeys playing the saxophone. But you can't banish them so now the world is plagued with toe tapping jazz playing everywhere at all times.

I wish I had fun things to distract me during Covid

Granted, but the lack of serotonin drives you mad.

I wish I knew what friendship was.

Granted. Now you don't know anything else.
I wish I was a millionaire

Granted! But unfortunately, someone stole your money from the bank and escaped while you're away before you got the chance to catch them.

I wish I had the ability to travel through time.

Granted but you can only visit times you hate

I wish I was amazing at drawing

Granted! But you are terrible at coloring.


I wish I had a regular sleeping schedule

Granted, but you suffer from horrific nightmares and never feel rested!

I wish more people were willing to sell me their souls, business is slow.

Granted, but the souls are worth very little =/

I wish I exercised

Curses! Granted, but now you exercise daily for far too long, causing you to miss out on everything else in life! You also look like an insanely muscular body builder as a side effect of all your working out!

I wish I could be a little less scary so more people would be willing to befriend me.