Granted, but he's been reading this thread and already has ideas about how he is going to corrupt your wishes.

I wish that the box of taquitos I bought didn't come in taquito increments of twenty-three when it specifically mentions to cook them three at a time.

Granted, but you cook them all at the same time and they are all still partially frozen especially that one in the middle.

I wish I had a hat that matches my groove.

Granted, yet the hat is one or two sizes too small for your noggin.

I wish to pass this math course.

Granted, but the school found in unusual that you passed with a A++ so they made you take the course again just to be sure.

I wish I could memorize everything I read or hear completely.

Granted, but you remember everything you read or hear at once, all the time. And Nickelback is still a thing.

I wish to not be patient zero in the ever impending hypothetical zombie apocalypse.

Granted, But patient zero did sneeze on you rather rudely in the checkout line at the supermarket. Making you the second zombie to every exist.

I wish for less school work.

Granted, but you end up getting nearly impossible questions on your exams.

I wish for a unlimited amount of money.

Granted. Oh, you have got to love inflation rates. With an infinite number of dollars in circulation (courtesy of you), the dollar actually breaks and starts having a negative value per dollar.

I wish for confidence...

Granted, but it is only confidence in your ability to dress in drag and do the Hula.

I wish I had more brie.

...Sort of hit the core of the matter, with that curse...

More Catti-brie coming your way! All the Spellplague!

I wish I was in Alexandria during the first century AD...

Granted, but you were teleported to the bottom of the bay and then drowned.

I wish for a tasty fish

Granted, but it had hairy human legs and breathed fire.

I wish I had more money for Amiibos.

Granted, but you use that money to order the super rare squid amiibo that was stolen recently and you will never see the product you ordered.

I wish for a fancy hat

(I don't like in the UK, and I have all 3 squids. LOL.)

Granted, the hat is made out of a stitch of things like a living elephant, a shark who can live on land (with legs and feet, some itchy wool, and vinegar for flavor.

I wish for the thing I just granted.

Granted. However, an electric storm awakens the Hat of mixed animal parts, and they devour you.

I wish to not feel ill today...

Granted, but you felt so good you decided to jump off your kitchen table and you hurt your back.

I wish for butter cream mints.