Granted but now Christmas music plays two months after the day.
(I really hate xmas music too for this reason)

I wish my car was paid for and fixed. Me so broke D:

Granted. It's paid for in a paltry sum as the person granting your wishes forces you to accept their lowball offer.

I wish car speakers had a maximum volume limit, and a very limited one at that.

Granted, but it's so quiet that no one can ever listen to anything in the car again.

I wish my cough would go away.

Granted but now everyone around you has it (meaning it could come back to you)

I wish I could turn into a rainbow light.

Granted, but you've been turned into a prism.

I wish I could have the hugest possible Monster Java Vanilla Light right now.

Granted but you drop it before you're even able to take a sip. Dx

I wish I had a balloon. owo

Granted but you it isn't inflated for you.

I wish for regernative power like wolverine!

Dx... what do you have against balloons. ;~;
Granted, but it works so well you start regenerating extra limbs and heads you don't even have? XD

I wishhh my computer was faster. Dx

Granted, but your internet connection is even slower.

I wish I could go to sleep... z.z

Granted. Happy Nightmares >:-D

I wish for immortality and eternal young-adult-ness.

Granted, but your bladder and bowels age normally. Hello incontinence!

I wish I had some Christian Brother's and Apple juice (neither expired, and perfectly drinkable and within reach).

Granted. Here's the rapper, Apple Juice. And, here comes the swarm of medieval christian men.

I wish for cheese.

Granted, but it's petrified cheese.

I wish I had a personal harem~

Granted. You have a harem of Cannibals with the tradition of killing their master and feeding on all except the nice bits - those they place on a shelf to let rot. But they're free!

I wish for rum!

Granted, but it's on shelves that are just out of your reach but you have nothing to climb on to reach the bottles. DX

I wish I had drinkable water right now.

*Pure H2O flows through the house, filling the glasses with drinkable water and staining all the furniture*

Hmm...I wish for luffles...