Boy scouts get to come back from camp..

The apple obama's rope would catch him >.>

They are still hanging there >.>

A pizza doesn't scream when you stick it in the oven

A newlywed Newfie sailor is informed by the navy that he's going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the South Pacific for 2 years. A few weeks after he gets there he really starts to miss his new wife, so he writes her a letter.
"My darling," he writes, "it looks like we're going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and we're constantly surrounded by young, attractive native girls. The temptation's terrible. I need some kind of hobby to keep my mind off them."

His wife sends him back an accordion with a note reading, "Why don't you learn to play this?"

Eventually his tour of duty comes to an end and the Newfie sailor rushes back to his wife. "Darling" he says, "I can't wait to get you into bed so that we can make passionate love!"

But she stops him with a wave of her hand. "First, let's see how well you play that accordion."

1.You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be witt ya by*'."
2. Your Jedi robe is made of seal skin.
3. You have ever used your light saber to quarter a moose.
4. Both wings of your X-Wing are done over with sheet metal and rivets and are covered with polybond.
5. You have ever eaten bottled Ewok.
6. You have ever used a land-speeder to get away from wildlife officers.
7. The best part of spending time on Dagobah is the great weather.
8. Even C3-PO cannot understand what you are saying.
9. You have used Jedi mind tricks to help you drag off someone from the Sundance (Bar on George Street)and Breezway (University Bar).
10. You have ever used the force to convince a Human Resources Canada officer to give you unemployment insurance checks.
11. Your father has ever said to you, "Come on by' son, come on over 'ere to the dark side and have a Black Horse (Newfoundland brewed beer) witt yer old man."
12. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to scare off mosquitoes on May 24 weekend.
13. You have ever used the Millennium Falcon to smuggle booze and cigarettes from St. Pierre (Island belonging to France just of southern nf coast).
14. You have a Newfoundland dog painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
15. You think Andy Wells (St. John's mayor) and Brian Tobin (nf premier) are part of the dark side of the force.
16. You have ever fantasized about Danielle House wearing her hair like Princess Leia.
17. You have a trailer hitch on the back of your land speeder for hauling your trailer to gravel pits.
18. Chewbacca is the lead of your dog sled team.
19. You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with snowmobile skis.
20. You were the only person drinking Newfie Screech during the cantina scene.
21. If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father ... tell me what the hell your mother's getting on with by'?!"
"Boy" is pronounced "by".

butt fuck it.

cum on guys.

The apple obama's rope would catch him >.>

They are still hanging there >.>

Trymenagain

because they trip over the string

There are three guys walking together, a Newfie, a Quebecer , and a Torontian. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out, "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes."

So the Newfie says "I am a fisherman, my dad's a fisherman, and his dad was a fisherman, and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish" 'POOF' the oceans were full ( of fish that is).

The Quebecer was amazed, he said "I want a wall around the province of Quebec, so nothing will get in." 'POOF' there was a wall around Quebec.

The guy from Toronto says "Tell me more about this wall."

The genie says "Well its about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out."

So the Torontian says "Fill it up with water."

because their balls brush against the grasses

- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
- You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- The mosquitoes have landing lights.
- You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
- You have 10 favourite recipes for bottled moose.
- Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
- You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
- You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
- You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
- You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
- The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for local softball scores.
- At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
- The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
- Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
- You think the start of salmon fishing season is a national holiday.
- You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
- You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
- You find -40C a little nippy.
- The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
- You can play road hockey on skates.
- You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
- The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
- You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Newfie friends.

A bear and a squirrel are walking through their forest community and they stumble upon a magic lamp under the dirt.

Now this magic lamp has been covered in dirt for years and it was glad to be saved, so since the lamp was in such a good mood, he would grant EACH of them three wishes. So he asked who wanted to go first.

Now Bear, being the eager, young creature that he was, went first.

"What do you want for your first wish"? He asked.

Bear replied, i wish, that the hot female bear that lives next to me, was crazy in love with me.

BOOM. it was done.

Sqirrel's wish was for a helmet.

"A helmet"! Said Bear?!?! "You can get anything and you want a helmet?"

Bear's next wish was for all the female bears in the forest be really hot and all like him.

BOOM it was done

Squirrel's second wish was a motercycle. Again bear was dumbfounded but carried on to his third wish.

"Actually, I want every bear in the forest to be female, hot, and really like me" said Bear.

The lamp granted the wish and...

BOOM. it was done

It was Squirrel's final wish,

"What would you like me to grant you for your final wish" the lamp asked.

After much consideration, Squirrel finaly answered.

"I wish Bear was gay"

And with that, he rode off.