(o.o I didn't know it was possible to not be able to eat apples. But, regardless, I guess that makes us even now.)

Granted, but now you never have time for anything else but taking a major test.

I wish I had a Spaz-12 shotgun. (And before anybody tries to corrupt it with "Granted, but you wind up shooting and killing yourself with it," I want you to know that that wouldn't really be a bad thing, for me.)

Granted, but it cannot fire, nor do you have bullets

I wish my hands were not chapped

(O.o Never heard of chapped hands.)

Granted. Now they're constantly on fire and in pain, but, similarly to Prometheus of Greek mythology, your hands will heal only to be burned again and again and again.

I wish Greek mythology was real. Or, rather, we knew that it was factual, rather than mythological.

Granted, but a titan smashes you to the ground.

I wish I had a better microphone.

Granted, but now you have crappy sound quality.

I wish I was FIRIN MAH LAZORS!

Granted but your lazors are too powerful and melt your eyes out of your sockets to then be home to small cogs

I wish that my freind whould let our OC's be Canon

Granted, but you get caught by the original owner and are put in jail for copy right infringements.

I wish that I could go to bed

granted but then when you go to bed you have nightmares of living as the giant zit that layes undernith the butt of a sweaty man who never leaves his mothers basement

I wish i could wear my kigarumi to work all the time

Granted, but everyone else gets the same Kigarumi and so you are no longer original in wearing it.

I wish that I was better at applying make-up

Granted, but now you're only good at applying make-up to cadavers.

I wish I was a star in the night sky.

Granted, but no one ever sees you

I wish I was aught up with my work

Granted, but now you are suddenly dealt a staggeringly large amount of work that may just take you the rest of your life. Or at least damn close to it.

I wish that all wishes I have ever thought of or spoken of had come true.

Granted but they all cancel each other out and end the world... AT THE SAAAAME TIIIIIME

I wish I had a huge BJD collection.

(o.o Are you meaning Ball-Jointed Dolls? If so, then this:)

Granted, but due to an insane witch's spell going haywire, all the dolls come to life and kill you.

I wish I enjoyed the taste of coffee more.

Granted but now that's the only thing you can drink or you will die

I wish that my friend and i shipped the same Bound spell books couples

Granted. Now you begin to argue over the reasons they should be shipped and ultimately wind up having a falling out.

I wish I knew what the hell a "Bound spell books couple" was.