i am glad you guys understand<3 because of the nature of the sort of work that i do people are much more willing to buy(and buy often) if they can have the security of absolute privacy ^^

so how is everyone this morning?

I totally get it!

I've bought some "things" online myself and I would just die if anyone found out about it...
Well... I wouldn't 'die', but I'd DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT

edit; I don't think I'd die of embarrassment for embarrassment's sake.
I have a "relationship" with someone who knows about these things...
I think what I mean is, I wouldn't want my parents to see and it's not something I would announce to the .... world.... Hm... I just kinda did that... Didn't I?



And yeah, it definitely makes sense.

I just recently had to sign an NDA regarding a project I'm in.
Thankfully, I was on a set of a rather big show and it's in it's third season, so while I *can* name the show, I couldn't take pictures.
But that's pretty common for most "big" projects I've been on.

I was in a Bollywood film, (Dhoom 3) and it was really frustrating because it was my first "big" project and we had to sign an NDA as well as no phones on set because we weren't allowed to take pictures or even talk about the project until it came out.
A couple of people were actually turned loose and didn't get paid because they had their phones out. It was crazy, but I understood why they did that

is it funny though that usually the people who are the most hush-hush have the least reason to be embarrassed? X'''D like dude, your commish is the least scandalous thing i've done all week!

yeah, i started one of those in june and only just finished up at the beginning of the month. basically the buyer and the copyright holder are the only persons outside of myself that know it existed during it's creation and any future installments are entirely under wraps XD


of course it's not free. i charge quite a bit or privacy. advertising the finished work is how i get new business in many instances(as sure as anything i almost never get word-of-mouth recommendations these days, hahahahaha)

i'd like to, but most of it is palette stuff. i am damn good at using limited colours, though, lemme grab something.

https://66.media.tumblr.com/70d3c790...e3b28d65a7.png

one of the more recent ones, done with about four colours as a sort of challenge to myself.

fair enough XD

i'm very burnt out right now and just switching between a few things.

I'm still working on my sleep schedule...

It's been hard waking up earlier than 10am ;-;

How've you all been doing?
Today is a nice, cloudy day. I hate bright sunlight... and in Los Angeles it's mostly sunny all the time. So nice to have some actual weather!

I'm picking up my medication today too, I was supposed to do that yesterday and I actually ran out of meds so I had nothing yesterday... But I don't drive, so I can basically only get them when I can get a ride or have someone pick them up for me

The woes of being an adult that can't take care of themselves ;n;

oof, medication stuff is wack.

i've been. vaguely jumping around in the moods department. constantly on 'why doesn't anyone love me'.

i keep forgetting to tag things properly on my tumblrs.

what
we love you

Oh! You're on tumblr too?

I've been kinda neglecting my blog. ;u;
I log in every day, but I just collect pictures and then leave. Dx

@Barker
And can definitely relate to that feeling of unlovable ;-;

I'm in a bad situation right now with a man, and my friend I complained to about it said, "Any man who tells you that he loves you right away is either crazy or lying"....

I know he meant well, but I interpreted that as,
"If a man tells you he loves you, he's lying because you're totally not worth loving right away"

Granted, he might be right about my "relationship" RN.

For what it's worth, you seem like a nice person. I don't know you that well, but you seem well liked and I'm sure there are people out there who would definitely love you. Sometimes it takes time... And believe me, I'm telling myself the same thing too

it just really sucks because while i *know* that i'm loved and people at least somewhat enjoy my presence, i can't exactly comprehend this. i'm not sure what happened to make things this way either. and at the same time it feels like nobody really wants me around if nobody's paying much attention to me / my artworks.

i'll probably be fine tomorrow or something, it's just annoying to end up spiralling from anxiety / potentially undiagnosed mental illness stuff.

it doesn't help that i give a lot more of myself than i should be giving in being the therapist type of person and thus not accepting help because i should be able to handle my own shit if i can listen to other people vent.

i think a lot of this stems from wanting to be useful in a capitalistic society that can easily replace me once i outlive my usefulness. i'm scared that friends will do this too, y'know?

It's definitely hard to find a place in today's world. I feel really bad for people my age these days because basically, regardless of wealth, people tend to fall into the same, boring, old ways of their parents and parents before them... Like. They go to school, go to college, get married, have children, move into a house and live out the rest of their days doing what other people told them to do... And their children will fall into the same patterns too.

Anxiety can definitely f*ck you up if it's not treated. :(
I hope you're able to find help for it soon!

Being the "therapist" in a relationship is really hard. I have tried so hard to help friends (or, people I thought were friends) by being their "therapist", but oftentimes it just wears you down. You know? Like, you can't pour from an empty cup...

I've definitely experienced friends leaving me eventually after I lost my usefulness. I've lost a couple of "friends" since my "relationship" with this man started to go sour. I've lost a few before that due to them not knowing how to handle my "symptoms"... I think it's a better way to live if you only think of your own happiness. What would make you happy? It's nice to want to make others happy, but only if it brings you your own happiness... You know?

Ava Imma slap you right now!! How dare you interpret it that way!! Obviously you can be loved right now! And tomorrow, and yesterday!!!

Mdom ;-;

<3

Love is a complicated thing I guess

It really is.
I was watching one of my icons, Lizzo, and she said, 'if you can love me, you can love yourself' and that was nice to see because it's usually 'you can't love others until you can love yourself' or 'you can't expect others to love you until you love yourself' and why not bitch!! Why can't I be lovable even when my self-steem is down!!

i wonder if it is the right time to say this or not but if i may;

it might be worth it to step back from a need to be 'loved' and maybe consider working on feeling comfortable within your own skin? conversations can be had all day about loving and not loving but if you cannot even feel good about yourself how can you love yourself and how can you process other people's love for you?

i mean, you really should consider looking inside of yourself and trying to suss out what it is that feels off to you about your own self and try to find the source of it so that you can either 'fix' it or learn where it should go instead so that it is not working against you.

i am glad to hear you can enjoy your moments of silliness and get something from it X''D

oh man, so it rained while i was asleep and now my nose is snubbed up

I REALLY HATE THE WHOLE “YOU CAN’T EXPRCT OTHERS TO LOVE YOU IF YOU DON’T LOVE YOURSELF” BULLSHIT

bc it’s bullshit

aaaaAAAAA

do you at least agree that being to tolerate yourself is important though? XD

ask me again when i’m sober

eech! i think i might need an adult again. i'm not qualified for this

i don’t think any of is are

uh oh. maybe three qualified adults would be better?

-snort- define “qualified”

tall and able to file taxes correctly

ah

nope

and nope

me either. that is why we need a qualified one(or three)

do we even have three whole qualified adults on tris

uuuuuum......hm. ....um.....fuck

-cackles-

i'm not a qualified adult, but i know how to code in C.

well you are on your way to being a different kind of valuable XD

apparently you have to have a degree to become a fucking translator, so that's a no-go. i still know basic spanish.

also, what kind of valuable.

the coder kind of valuable

rhnghghghghgghhggh

inevitably i fuck some coding up in the process

C is the baseline for a lot of coding languages, though, so i might be able to become a coder at trisphee at some point? idk.

Damn i'm not a qualified adult on any accounts

i am sure you are composed of several qualified adults x''D

*floats in* T~T I may be the least qualified...*sniff* so unqualified, even a teddy bear wouldn't be interested in hiring me.. ;~; *plops onto the floor trying not to melt into muck*

i dunno, you really feel less qualified to be an adult than a cactus in a bunny mask? X'''D