Granted, but they know it's against their free will and that it was you who caused it and conduct an immediate manhunt for you.

I wish I could ace my midterm without studying.

(Yay! Manhunt's are fun.)
Granted, but to do so, you had to cheat and your Professor caught you in the middle of cheating.

I wish everyone knew and loved Homestuck.

Granted, but then they all have bloody fanwars over their favorite characters

I wish I still had cheese in my fridge

(o.o What's so bad about bloody Fanwars?)
Granted, but it's completely covered in mold and is absolutely unusable.

I wish purple was more manly than girly.

(your side loses in a WWIII style bloodshed)

Granted, but you become colorblind and can't distinguish it from any other colors

I wish I was in an animated Disney movie

Granted, but it's singlehandedly the most racist disney movie of all time.

I wish bunny pee didn't smell so bad.

Granted, but their fur sheds worse than usual.

I wish I had something to do.

Granted, but that something happens to be killing thousands of people, thus causing you to be arrested and sentenced to death, then killed in the most gruesome way imaginable.

I wish I had a Zillyhoo.

(Oh that's horrifying. Have you ever seen a rabbit shed? D:)

Granted, but you immediately lose it.

I wish I could find matching socks.

(Dx Coddarnit!)
Granted, but you soon lose both in the magical portal known as The Dryer.

I wish I had a sandwich.

Granted, but it's stale.

I wish I could sleep.

(But they're unenjoyable!)

Granted, but it's only friends on paper. They secretly have no clue who you are.

I wish I hadn't missed class today.

(That depends on your preferences.)
Granted, but you happened to have fallen asleep in class and had the professor yell at you the entire time.

I wish everyone would do The Dinosaur.

(Oh the professors don't yell at you for that in uni. xD I flat out had a nap in my korean class last class. Totally wasn't even mad. In my International Studies class? I text the entire lecture.)

Granted, but you were misheard and everyone became dinosaurs instead.

I wish I was awesome. D:

Granted, but now you're too awesome and you wind up killing all of humanity by them being in your very presence.

I wish I had a Stegosaurus for a pet, so I could ride it like a pony. Like Jayzus did back in the day.