the first page XD i did look at the last page and your writing is much improved. you still write in fragments but they are not nearly so hard to ignore since they at least make contextual sense within the paragraph and are long enough not to cause hard staggering in the flow
well, if we could refrain from google(which is against the rules on this site anyway) i could totally give it a go, first though, is my writing style acceptable;
http://www.a-new-horizon.com/index.p...he-hounds.238/
i have no issue making shorter posts(i do like speed and these take up to an hour to make) but i am not able to do much longer without adding a lot of filler, i do require context and consistency but i do not require lots of research(unless it is non-fantasy, then you do need to have some idea of what you are talking about, haha. i do not use capitals on principal