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Can't make any promises, but I'll try.

Night!

Yeah. I can't believe it's been 8 years since the end of it...damn times flies. Speaking of I should take a shower so I can dry before bed.

Bye Kaderin. Have a good day! I don't work tonight but I do the next night so better keep to a sleep schedule or I'll be messed up Thursday.

Ehehehe! That makes me giggle.
XD
I should watch Friends more. Great show.

I understand completely how futile it seems. Still, you're here and you are fighting. That takes some kind of strength. =)

aww cute! All I can imagine right now is Friends. It may be completely inappropriate for the moment. I hope not but as a Friend fan I laughed.

Even though I often think my online friends don't really care that much, I know that's not really true too.
And it's the little things they do that help me hang in there some days.
Like the other day, one of my friends on Ernya, who happens to live on/own a farm "gave" me a duckling and two baby chickens to make up for the loss of my parakeet. I'll even get to name them. It was a sweet gesture that gave me a small reason to keep going that day. I try to make it one day at a time and I recently made the decision to live. It's not going to be easy by any means, but I no longer will allow suicide to be my escape. No matter how bad things get. Even though I've decided that though, there are just some moments or some days that everything seems so futile. Like for every one step I take, I fall back another 10.

From where I'm sitting all I can do for you is what I'm doing now and to keep sending your my prayers...or positive thoughts if that is more comfortable with you. ;3 I wish I was wise and knew the right things to say...and to say them as eloquently as others I've seen. In the end I'm hopeless to truely save a person from their demons because it's up to them to fight. I'm just that misclaneous video game character that throws useful things for you to use...kinda like in Spyro 2. Can't imagine beating Ripto without a couple sheep and stuff thrown for me. And I got more examples of such thigns happening in video games.

That voice that says no one would notice is untrue and I'm glad you said that! Everyone is suicidal at some point. Worse or better I doesn't matter it's a horrible place to be and not a badge of awesomeness and some people will wear it for some twisted reason. As an online person I can't tell a hiatus from something serious. A Trisphite recently died. I kind of considered her a friend even though she never was on my friend's list...because you never hear it verbally or feel it in some way doesn't mean no one cares.

My problem right now is in finding an actual reason to live. That's what the parakeet was supposed to be. A reason to live. Something to take care of. Something that depended on me.
But right now, I could die and my online friends would assume I just lost interest in the sites or took another hiatus, and I don't really have any real life friends that would notice. Not for at least a week anyway. I do have one friend that MIGHT notice after about a week. Big maybe on that though.
It just feels so hopeless at times. Like I don't really matter enough to anyone. I could disappear and no one would notice; no one would care.
Deep down, I know this isn't true, but some days it's so hard to remember that.

I'd be a little unstable after all those events and I like to think I'm stable now. D: -hugs-

so many things to deal with and possibly easy to assign blames. Just a step and a day at a time. I also recommend never being idle (i.e. just internets and gaming). Although what exactly works for you I don't know. Being me a job is great. I love structure and organizing/cleaning. xD; Not many people find making a career out of that exciting I bet.

I only wish. Nope, after changing majors and then getting kicked out of the second college (god, has it already been 3 years since that incident already... O_O) I've given up on getting a degree, so no finals.

Just broken car, new used car, broken new used car, nearly passing out while riding my bike to work, had to get rid of my pet parakeet that I'd only had a few days because my roommate didn't approve, untreated mental illnesses, nearly killed myself, etc.
All those types of stress...