[Suzerain of Sheol]

I think this is the last story I have that's really worth sharing, but it's probably the most memorable one to me.


This is a pretty long story, so I'm spoiling it.

So, it was a bit of a reverse of the one I described above, a friend had designed a one-off gauntlet type dungeon and wanted to see how far I could get with a party I designed, so I went ahead with it, and ended up with a Cavalier, a Frenzied Berserker, a Fighter specialized in dual wielding picks, and a War Mage. They were level 18 or 20, I think.

And to start things off, as I drew close to the fortress I was supposed to be exploring, two Pyroclastic Dragons flew out of the totally generic lava moat, but a couple well-placed Disintegrate from the War Mage took care of them. Easy enough.

Then I get to the front door... which is sealed with a good 50 Immovable Rods preventing it from opening. And, while my berserker is warming up to try and move them, someone chucks a massive chunk of ice at his head from the roof of the castle, and it hurts.

So, I immediately have the mage telelort us up there to see what the hell is going on, and, lo and behold, it's a hurricane-force blizzard up there, can't see a thing. After a few rounds of struggling against the wind and slipping on the ice, we suddenly emerge into the center of the roof... which is apparently a desert. :|

And in said patch of desert is our nefarious adversary, a Sand Giant decked out in enchanted gear. Before I can do anything, he raises his Sand Blaster (patent pending) and belts the party with sand doing 2d6 + his Constitution modifier, which was apparently 50 or something, because that sand did serious damage.

So, having had enough of this nonsense, my Cavalier charges him on his warhorse (we're far out of the realm of physics here, just bear with me). So, he charges, getting x5 damage for using a lance, and rolls a natural 20, besides, meaning he does x15!! damage, which equates to something like 700 damage.

The Sand Giant doesn't even flinch. :|

So, we fight him for a few rounds, us generally getting the worst of it, but my fighter and berserker nick him for a few hundred more damage, at which point he dives off the 300 ft. castle roof into the moat of lava.

And whilst swimming in lava, he begins quaffing Potions of Intensified Heal, getting back 300 hp from each. And, lacking any range weapons, we can't really do anything about it, not that we'd be able to do 2,000 damage or whatever his max hp was. So, we wait him out.

When he's done, he decides to come back up to the roof and finish us, and he does so by climbing the ice-covered, sheer adamantine wall by punching holes in it. Yeah...

So, he gets back up there, we fight a bit more, he wrecks us and we barely do any damage to him. At one point I recall him burrowing through said frozen adamantine, just... because he could, I guess. Somehow.

Anyway, we eventually retreated with Feather Fall, withdrew beyond the moat to regroup. My Cavalier eventually went forward and issued a challenge, to the death, if he'd come down and fight us, the Cavalier gave his knight's vow that he wouldn't interfere. (The Cavalier was the only PC the giant was really afraid of)

So, he agrees and comes down to square off against the rest of the group. My berserker wins initiative, goes nuts and rushes in Power Attacking, landa a bunch of criticals, does like 600 damage. My fighter goes next, crits a couple times with his picks, does like another 400. Giant goes next and kills the fighter. War Mage throws a Disintegrate for another 150ish damage and a Quickened Cone of Cold for another 50ish.

Berserker goes again, doesn't crit, deals maybe 200 damage. I'm thinking the thing has to be almost dead. Well, fast-forward a round or two, he's still going, my mage is dead, and my Berserker (who is in Deathless Frenzy and can't die until it wears off) is being grappled by this giant and is completely helpless.

So... mr. Calavier decides the hell with this, breaks his oath and charges in to avenge his comrades, again getting x5 damage for charging.

Rolls another natural 20.

800 damage. Dead.

But wait! Heat Mirage! Oh, yes, the DM forgot to mention, the giant has a Heat Mirage that gives him 20% miss chance against physical attacks, despite it not coming into play at all in the rest of the fight.

So... out comes the d100, I call high, anything above a roll of 20 and I win.

19.

And that, my friends, is what you call a TPK, six hours in the making no less.

Oh, and this is the last time he was allowed to run a game, by the way. I honestly think he was just making up half of his numbers, unless that giant had d100s for hit dice...