[Funkduder]

What is required is that I die,
I die because no longer can I control my thoughts or emotions
No longer can I fit in safely or learn to behave
I fit into this system which fucks people over no matter which way you look at it
This system is a system where cheating means you survive and live on to fuck over the nation
And you survive on the dirt, and the shit that’s in the dirt because that’s nourishing to a blackened soul
I don’t want to be a priest as much as you think I’m fit for it.
I want to make love and be with someone.
I don’t want to trust God.
God fucks people over too, and doesn’t explain himself enough for me to work with it.
I have thought this out time and time and time and time again
And again and again and again so you get the point.
You’re walking into a trap by staying here.
The truth is making me live a lie to survive.
I don’t want to live like this
I can’t live a lie any longer
I can’t speak
I can’t move
I can’t even breathe without a fucking say so.
So kill me, DAMMIT!
I don’t want to hurt people
I want to live in a world where I can love my friends at ease
And my friends of my friends can be alright with that
I want to live in a world where there is a peace and there is a love
I don’t want to kill or be killed in the lands of competitive killing
Because that is this nation. This nation is dying by choking itself while feasting on their corpses
So the rich get richer, the poor get poorer
And I admire the arrogant bastard, Lelouche Vi Brittania after all these years
And I admire Mr. D because he’s more or less the same, but he’s black, not brittanian
He’s a teacher, coach, and dare I say it friend, but not a prince
But who gives a shit about those differences
Because no matter where you turn, you can’t be loved
You can’t sit there and look in your best friend’s eyes without feeling an air of mistrust
And it’s a good mistrust because some people fuck other people over
But that’s also the problem
I don’t want to be mature if it means fucking people over and beating down others while heading to the top
I’m a patriarchal feminist now, aren’t I? I want to be the fucking adored hero that people bring into town.
I want to be the best, but I don’t want to hurt the worst. I don’t want to exploit others even though shit happens
I don’t want to be that guy, and for the most part I try not to
And it drives me insane because all of a sudden to not screw someone over is to screw yourself over
To keep someone happy you have to sadden yourself, you have to be attached to strings
“play it cool by making your world a little colder”
I wish I had the Beatles in my life time.
I would’ve loved their music.
But now I can’t express my love because everyone plays fucking Holden Caulfield
And it scares me.
I don’t know if they’ll laugh or not
I don’t know if they’ll fuck me over
So I play Katsuragi’s game:
Gather information
Flirt
Be social
Find the event
And play out the lines
It’s just too bad that Keima never fell in love. I did and now it’s cutting me deeply
I can’t read people like I used to
I could tell from someone’s voice and movements whether their lying or not.
Fuck, I could tell it from text. From TEXTING STYLE! That’s how I FUCKING SAVED HANNAH
… You don’t even believe me on Hannah. Her number’s in my phone. She lives in a small town near in Illinois close to the border of Missouri. It’s a small town. She’ll have time to answer and talk for five without getting yelled out by her bitchy mom.
But who knows. She might have died to join me. I think I’m powerful enough for that to happen.
But I don’t need power; I need freedom,
Which is why I died. It was required.